Hi bill in Dayton, I understand what you are saying because I felt the same way you did for a long time and at times still do. When all the kids stood to profess that they had been saved many of them may have felt just as you did , but by faith they stood. So we are saved by faith believing that when we ask God to forgive us and to make Him Lord of our live's it is not by what we feel but what we believe. I think if you would have stood with the rest and confessed that you too had been fogiven of all your sins you may have expirienced just what you were looking for. I played in night clubs and bars drinking etc. but I new that God was not pleased with me, but I loved that band so much that I didn't want to let go but in order to serve God I knew I had to. Many who read this will say , (there's nothing wrong with playin in the clubs and stuff) but anything we put ahead of what God has called us to do is not right and we all know that deep inside what should and should not be. But just as you I broke my pride and went to church and when the alter call was give I got to my feet and went. So I began to tell God that if He would forgive all my sins and save me that I would quit playing in the Bars and serve Him , nothing happened , I still felt the same ol way as before ,but I began to change my prayer from (If you will then I will) to Lord I quit the bar scene, from this moment on no more boozin, no more rock bands and I will use the talent you gave me to lift you up so the ones searching for a life that only you can give can find. So when I said I am forgiven, I am saved , I then felt the weight of sin lift from me and proclaimed to all that ( I AM SAVED )So if I had not responded to the alter call and professed that I am saved I don't know where I would be today. from that day until now I play contemporary Christian Music in Church, Coffee Houses Parks and other places, and I would say the Music out there is so incredible. Go on u-tube Contemporary Christian Music, Check out Micheal W. Smith , Steven Curtis Chapman , Chris Tomlin and so many more , I think you will like most of what you hear. So we walk by faith proclaiming Him , the Bible says , we are saved by faith. It is so easy that it's hard to believe sometimes that a simple prayer of asking total forgiveness and believing and thanking Him for it. We can't think about what others do or believe, we have to seek out our own salvation. I pray that this is a help to you and others as well, I have a doctors app. so I must go for now but I know we will chat again soon. One more thing , the night I got saved and told God that I was done with the old life , (THE BAR SCENE etc.) He knew that I meant it and was sincere to my confession to Him , that is what really made a difference , He knew my heart and that I truely wanted to serve Him insted of myself and the ol enemy. God Bless
Gordon