No, let's not...

Mr. G, you said early in your comments that you found Christ a long time ago and that the joy in your heart hasn't diminished. That is good for you. I can't find a single fault with anyone who has found joy, peace and comfort in their faith.

What I ask you to consider is this...

I would like to have the faith in my heart that you have. However, the battle in my brain prevents me from obtaining such a thing.

When I was in my late teens, I attended a large Christian based retreat for kids my age. We sang songs, played games, did Bible study, etc. A really fun few days. The last evening we were all together, the people running the event asked all the kids in the audience who had been "saved" to please rise. You'll have to trust me when I say I wanted to stand up in the worst way, but I couldn't. I wondered privately what had all these other kids experienced that I hadn't?

To this day, I'm still waiting for an answer.

As I've gotten older, there's a plurality to my faith. Organizationally, I've grown less and less interested in participating in an established church. Some aspects are appealing, but in my mind, the wrong ones. Personally, I feel closer to God than I ever have. He knows my thoughts, fears, hopes, etc. Its between him and me.

While I'll grant you I've forgone the "ritual" of worshiping en masse, the few times over the last few years I have attended a Sunday morning service, I didn't enjoy it. 60 minutes of threats, empty promises, etc. didn't make me want to return.

I meant what I said about being glad you found peace.

What's ironic to me is that in a way, while I've spent a lot of time looking for Christ in my heart, I've also had this almost "heavenly" impulse to seek him out in my mind as well.

The product of that battle equals a very human dose of doubt.

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Bill in Dayton

[This message has been edited by Bill in Dayton (edited 08-11-2010).]