Don, after you put up that version of yours, granted unperfect, but it illustrates the correct stylistic for that song IMO. It just had to be a bit "dirty" and it probably hard for someone who just not used to that "dirty" style or does not have the tonal quality/type.

Scott, after listining to the new version, it still did not fix it. Might be a good idea to give it up and try something else (other songs).