I'm in agreement with the folks here who like the first version better. I always think that 'story' songs are better when they keep a warmer, closer-to-the-listener feel.

To try to better illustrate this comment, think of when you were a child sitting on your grandad's knee and he'd tell you some tale or other. You, as the listener, would hang on every word, and a huge part of loving those stories, which you probably still remember, would have come from the intimacy with which they were told. This is why I like the first version of your song, and, if you can get it even 'warmer' (the techies can handle that part of it as I think your vocal delivery doesn't need to change one bit) then I think the strength of the song will have an even greater impact on the listener.

I want to wish you all the best with this song and hope it does 'break through' for you.

P.S. In the lyric you mention a 'James' who has a statue of himself in the Auditorium. Who is the 'James'? Just curious.