Captain Russ this is a world wide problem here
in Australia is a case in point,

I have a 34 year old quad. son who goes into nursing homes to give my wife and I respite twice a year and I wince as the time approaches for him to go in.

Some are better than others.

At one establishment where he no longer goes he would stink when I visited him so I go and bath him twice a week when he is out of our care and take care of a little job for him while I am there.

He always has trouble with his bowels when he come home and it takes quite a while to get the routine back to normal.

I am 75 years old and I dread the time when we are no longer able to take care of him.

I do not know how you fit in all these good things you do and I admire you for it.

Cousin Ken