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#143517 - 07/12/03 11:34 PM Audience who don't know manners?
KN_Fan Offline
Member

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 492
Okay,
Its been a few days after my acquaintence's wedding, I thought I'd share with you what I feel about what happened.

The reception was at a very nice hotel, with all the nice decorations, RSVP invitees etc..etc...off course, complete with the three piece band playing.

I was enjoying the songs (one of the band member was singing) while suddenly almost EVERYBODY (we're talking about 200 people here) started to tap their glasses with their silverware..I'm like "what the..?" Then one of the people at my desk said "Oh...that's the bride/groom's friend's tradition, everytime they do that the couple has to kiss." Okay..fine, but then THROUGHOUT the whole three to four songs this annoying thing happened which I can only imagine how the musicians feel. I kept telling people at my table...these people should have more manners. Obviously only about five people in that whole room (including me) who are musicians, heck I think I was the only one objecting to that stupid tradition. At least when you want to do something like that, coordinate with the band first or something. I was so disturbed by their ignorance and insensitivity. How inconsiderate! Am I just being to sensitive out of my solidarity for my fellow musicians??

KN

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#143518 - 07/13/03 03:40 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
royandreno Offline
Member

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 451
Loc: Sandnes, Norway
Yes, I think you are too sensitive. This is a tradition here in Norway as well, and I think a wedding must focus on those. The music I'm afraid must take the backburner in this case. Not to say it shouldn't be good, but it is not the musicians night really.

------------------
Roy-Andrè
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#143519 - 07/13/03 04:04 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Anonymous
Unregistered


I agree with Roy-Andrè, you seem to be a little over sensitive on the subject. We have exactly the same tradition in Portugal.

-- José.

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#143520 - 07/13/03 04:15 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Dnj Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703
I actually encourage "Glass Clinging" thruout my Weddings. It's a time honererd tradition in many cultures and nationalities that has been going on for thousands of years.

Salute`

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#143521 - 07/13/03 05:19 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Dnj Offline
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Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703

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#143522 - 07/13/03 05:31 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Gunnar Jonny Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 04/01/01
Posts: 4333
Loc: Norway
I agree with Roy-Andrè too, this is not ment to
disturb the musicians, but to have fun.
If it was a concert it would have been different.

GJ
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#143523 - 07/13/03 05:44 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
rattley Offline
Member

Registered: 11/14/99
Posts: 832
Loc: Punta Gorda Florida USA
Every wedding I've ever been to has this glass clinking tradition..............and yes, sometimes it does get carried away. (especially when there is an open bar!)
The new bride and groom are the main focus, and they have to tolarate this at best no matter how good the music is. They would probably prefer the band to play a loud lively polka to drown out the clinkers.............and make their getaway!

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#143524 - 07/13/03 06:05 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Dnj Offline
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Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703

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#143525 - 07/13/03 07:59 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Uncle Dave Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 12/01/99
Posts: 12800
Loc: Penn Yan, NY
I just did a wedding yesterday, and Colonel "Clink" showed up there too! It all about the bride (and, sometimes the groom too...)so the band just has to know it's place and keep the action going.
This is the first objection I've ever heard to this widely loved tradition.
Band members have to learn their place at affairs. We are not guests, or stars .... we're hired to perform a service, and if we do that well - the crowd will love us, and PAY us...again, and again. So, to quote the writer of the Hokey Pokey........

"That's what it's all about" !

(Let the bridal party have their fun ... afterall, you only get married 3 or 4 times )
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#143526 - 07/13/03 11:05 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
KN_Fan Offline
Member

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 492
Oh...in that case nevermind then....I guess it was just cultural understanding

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#143527 - 07/13/03 11:16 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
royandreno Offline
Member

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 451
Loc: Sandnes, Norway
KN,
you show a good attitude!
Roy-Andrè
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#143528 - 07/13/03 02:05 PM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
dlstarry Offline
Member

Registered: 02/04/01
Posts: 698
Loc: MN. U.S.A.
Uncle Dave I only got married once, 35 yrs. ago & I won't make
that mistake again.
I can say that cause my wife is gone on vacation.
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Denny
KN5000, Yamaha PSR-SX900

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#143529 - 07/13/03 02:41 PM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Uncle Dave Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 12/01/99
Posts: 12800
Loc: Penn Yan, NY
I just got through the "second inning". Whew....what a workout. No matter how much i enjoy wedding cake, I doubt that I'll ever do this again. I'm not bitter .... there is just too much contact required with the "X" to keep the family running smoothly. I'll never be fully rif of her till the kids are all grown up and married.

Lots of baggage attached to broken families. Lot's and lots.
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#143530 - 07/13/03 03:34 PM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Pilot Offline
Member

Registered: 11/14/02
Posts: 328
Loc: Ontario,Canada
I got married 33 years ago for the first and only time and am still happily married to the same one. No mistake here. On the other hand, it took several years to find the right one. We had no glass clinking - we eloped and only told folks some time after.

Bryan

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#143531 - 07/13/03 04:00 PM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Dnj Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703
Marriage today is getting obsolete. Kids today are scared in a way and smart in a way to wait to get married if at all. They watch what is going on around them in this insane world and can see what he future will bring if they are not carefull. 12 yr olds pregnant, kids having kids, people divorcing in 2 weeks, both parents always out working, kids bringing up themsleves, broken homes all around, family morals and traditions shot to hell, and on and on. Who can blame someone for not getting married? Its a big risk that is not in your favor to be sucessfull unless you really work at it 24/7...the concept of marriage is beautifull done right...if not DON'T DO IT! save yourself alot of grief.

[This message has been edited by Dnj (edited 07-13-2003).]

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#143532 - 07/13/03 08:03 PM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
tony mads usa Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/16/02
Posts: 14376
Loc: East Greenwich RI USA
.... the bride and I will celebrate 40 years in November!!! ... it hasn't always been easy, but then, that's part of what's made it so great ... I think one of the biggest problems today is that people think it's supposed to be easy and when it's not ...splitsville ... I remember when the 'living together' thing started to really take hold, and the excuse was "we want to see if we are compatable" ... so they live together for a few years, then get married, and all of a sudden they're 'not compatable'...!!!!

Back on the 'clinking' topic, I don't know how many weddings KN_Fan has been to, but I played weddings for over 26 years with the band, and I don't think there were more than a handful (if that) where this was NOT done ...
At our wedding it happened fairly often, and of course I was willing to oblige , and at one point I was talking with some people and and the 'clinking' started, so I dashed to my new bride only to find that she started it because she needed to tell me something and that was her only way to get my attention from across the room ...
t.

[This message has been edited by tony mads usa (edited 07-13-2003).]
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#143533 - 07/13/03 08:06 PM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Uncle Dave Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 12/01/99
Posts: 12800
Loc: Penn Yan, NY
That was sneaky !
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#143534 - 07/13/03 09:25 PM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
KN_Fan Offline
Member

Registered: 10/01/02
Posts: 492
I've only been to very few weddings, most of them overseas. I've been to a handful here in the U.S. This is the first one with the clinking glasses (I know...I need to get out more )

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#143535 - 07/13/03 09:28 PM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Uncle Dave Offline
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Registered: 12/01/99
Posts: 12800
Loc: Penn Yan, NY
Wow ... hard to imagine. Small world? ............ naw ! HUGE world !
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#143536 - 07/13/03 09:37 PM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
DonM Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 06/25/99
Posts: 16735
Loc: Benton, LA, USA
I have played for countless weddings over the years, but have never encountered the clinking. It must not be a Southern tradition. Here everybody just gets really drunk!
DonM
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#143537 - 07/14/03 06:06 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Tom Cavanaugh Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 12/06/99
Posts: 2133
Loc: Muskegon, MI
Every wedding I've been to in Michigan has done the glass clinking thing. It must be something you Cajuns don't do Don.

Remember the wedding reception is a celebration for the bride and groom. It is not a concert to showcase the band. U.D. was absolutely correct, the band must remember their place.
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Tom

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#143538 - 07/14/03 06:11 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
travlin'easy Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 15556
Loc: Forest Hill, MD USA
Never had any Clinkers down here either--must be something the folks up north do.

Gary
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#143539 - 07/14/03 06:16 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Dnj Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703
Bridal Party Introductions

Bride & Groom First Dance

Toast

Prayer

"Glass Clinging" thruout the affair

etc etc......all the way to the

"Busta Line" ..at the End....

[The Busta.............
Italians love to have large bridal showers. That way most of the household gifts are received at the shower. That leaves the boosta (envelopes with money) for wedding gifts. Have you ever seen the movie Goodfellas? Well, when Karen and Henry get married, that's what everyone is handing her in the receiving line. The busta (pronounced boo-sta)! Now-a-days, there's usually some kind of ornately-decorated container on the gift table where the boosta goes. It's the best man's responsibility to watch over this container. But hey, who's going to steal it an Italian wedding!]




[This message has been edited by Dnj (edited 07-14-2003).]

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#143540 - 07/14/03 06:51 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
trtjazz Offline
Member

Registered: 08/01/02
Posts: 2683
Kn,
I myself do not think you are overly sensitive....I'm not sure I believe anyone Can be overly sensitive to the feelings of others.....but...I would say musicians that gig weddings on a regular basis know this is part and parcel of the territory. I don't think it much different than those playing supper clubs and have to put up with 100 conversations going on, dishes clanking, cell phones ringing etc, again just part of the territory on this end of the feeding chain.

The very coolest club I've ever played years ago, called "Amazing Grace" stopped all service during a set and it was made clear that loud and rude behaviour would get the patron an escort to the door......gone are those days.
Terry

------------------
jam on,
Terry http://imjazzed.homestead.com/Index.html
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#143541 - 07/14/03 07:03 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Dnj Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703
hey, I played Greek Weddings with Dishes and Money flying thru the air....
talk about Traditions!!!!

"DUCK" !!

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#143542 - 07/14/03 08:32 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Leon Offline
Member

Registered: 04/14/99
Posts: 585
Loc: British Columbia
I played a wedding last year. The woman (who seemed to be in charge of everything) made an interesting annoucement prior to my beginning. I had a guest mic set up. She asked that if people wanted the bride and groom to kiss, all they had to do was wait 'til the end of a song, by the guest mic, and tell some sort of amusing anecdote about the bride and groom, to get them to kiss. Everyone seemed to enjoy this and to be honest, my playing time was almost cut by a third.
Just thot I'd mention this interesting way of approaching an age old tradition.
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...L

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#143543 - 07/14/03 08:59 AM Re: Audience who don't know manners?
Dnj Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703
with all th hoopla, traditions, dinner, cake ceremony, ,, etc etc etc most wedding gigs are always short for the musicians actual playing time of a 4hr gig to almost 1/2.

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