I turn 33 this summer. A lot of wise words here guys. Thank you for that. I guess I only needed to share my dilemmas with someone who understands. My friends doesn't get it - but you guys do.

I guess my problem is that I will always have this sense of wonder. "What would it be like?" "Why do I always have to be a good boy, why can't I be bad - for just one moment?" "No one would have to know right?"

But deep inside I know that the fantasy, or anticipation probably surpass the actual experience. It is like Christmas you know, after the presents are all opened, all the magic is gone.

I'm going to keep staying strong, sober and true - but it's that darn curiosity that keeps nagging like a devil on my shoulder. I wish there was a pill for that sometimes.

But you are all right, it is what truly matters in life that counts, and divorce is a bitch...

DocZ