So there I am at my favorite Senior residence in my 17th year there. The changes have been dramatic these last few years reference the lack of respect for musicians, their music, and the listening audience.

In the morning I play the grand piano in the lobby and the people gather around me and listen to their favorite songs and reminisce. In no time the staff starts talking loud over the music. I play louder, they talk louder. I give up the competition and think only about my paycheck.

After that trauma, in the afternoon, I’m playing the accordion in another area. The room is about 20x30 feet with everyone gathered no more than 3 feet in front of me relaxing in their easy chairs and couches. It’s very intimate. I play directly to them and talk to them in-between. I’m on a first name basis.

Suddenly, a young lady, early twenties walks in to visit a relative there. She’s carrying a small child. She’s talking to the relative, and the child is running around the room making noise. After the morning session (with staff making the noise), I’m ready to explode. But I politely said to her “can you hold the child in your arms until I’m done playing for the residents.”

No sooner did I get the words out of my mouth, then she lets out with a gasp and proceeds to admonish me.

“What did you say to me?…….you have a lot of nerve telling me what to do with my child……I’m going to report you…….who do I talk to?”

She stormed out of the room with the child and her friends. I, in the meantime, saw my whole life flash before me. 17 years there and I lose the account over an incident like that.

Sure enough, the AD that I work for, came in and said “I need to talk to you when you’re done.” Well, I wrote out my will and was ready to take a cyanide capsule.

I went to the AD afterwards. Would you believe….she said they told HER off for interfering with the performance. The advice for me was, that if it happens again, I’m to tell the AD immediately and not say anything to a visitor. Whew…...a reprieve. But I had 30 minutes before I spoke to the AD. In those 30 minutes, I was thinking about what it’s like trying to play music in today’s world which is drowning in narcissism, self-indulgence, and self-importance.

I’m sure it’s not like this in other parts, but I don’t live in “other parts.” I live here in the midst of mostly rude people.

I’m starting to get uneasy about getting back to work. It’s been 3-4 years I’ve taken off now, and it seems to be getting worse and worse out there in the field.

Bill is moving to South Carolina and he got me thinking about the same thing. In this neck of the woods, good music and professional musicians (as compared to the recent spate of carnival acts) is now an endangered species. At least in South Carolina they wear socks to a wedding and don‘t show up like they just finished working in their garden!

MARK

Well I would probably were socks to my OWN wedding. . .

It almost seems to be like real life..

There is good people and there is bad people, in general enjoying the good people while ignoring the bad people works for me on a daily base.. And if i have to deal with the bad people, i keep it strictly functional and stay away from emotions..


I think it would work when playing Gigs to.. and if the publicum has no interest, why not play for your own enjoyment (I know that sounds easier then done)

As a Pro musician and dealing with all kinds of people and scenarios in your audiences is part of the business.. personally reading your post instead of getting annoyed I would of turned it into a "positive moment" especially when Kids are involved. I would of probably said "hey let's do something for the kids!!!...It's Hokey Pokey Time" common Mommy you can do it too!!! or maybe "Hey I see some Chickens out there let's do the Chicken Dance"...
or maybe play "HANDS UP" for them whatever it takes to calm the situation. This way everyone is happy. It's an audiences prerogative to listen attentively to you or not after all it's not a Carnegie Hall Concert. I have adapted to the weirdest scenarios in my 50 yrs on stage from streakers, naked women jumping on stage, bridal party people hanging from the chandeliers, bride & groom jump into the pool on a Conga Line, fights, Chinese acrobats on trampolines, whatever happens I don't care I'm there to ENTERTAIN and have fun and will continue to do so till I drop. Not performing will never even come into my mind music is a gift that my parents gave me and I am proud to be able to do it for a living and share my gift with everyone in my audiences.....

Cheer up !

Play music!!

I feel for Mark on this one. It was one small child and a dittzy parent ruining the mood. Very common these days. It seems he was doing a mellow listening thing on the accordian and changing gears to do the Chicken Dance for one out of control kid is a little too much. You can only bend so far.
The last party I did the parents couldn't care less about what I was doing during dinner ( you can't always be the center of attention for a 4 hr. party. ) I did switch gears and played top 40 dance music for their out of control kids who were running in circles, wrestling, screaming, etc. Sometimes parents want you to be the baby sitter and I refuse to do that.
Later I got some of the parents to my end of the room for some dancing and did get some compliments for my playing during dinner so you never know. You just gotta go with the flow, and sometimes its annoying.
Good for the AD, some people need to be educated in proper manners.

Just 34 more jobs and I will no longer have to contend with the crazies in the audiences. I had a little kid that came with his mother to a retirement community where I perform regularly, a spoiled, rotten, nasty assed little kid that obviously never had a minute of discipline in his life. He was about 5 years old, I guess, and running around the great hall like his butt was strapped to a rocket. When he ran up to me, reaching for the keyboard keys, I put my hand up and yelled "STOP!" and stopped playing at the same time. His mother, like the above scenario, was outraged. I told her that the child could have been seriously hurt if I had not stopped him at that moment. She left in a huff, saying she would report me to the management.

A few minutes later the grandparents, both of them, came up and apologized for their daughters actions and remarks and said they would talk with the management to set the story straight. That was 4 years ago and I still perform there every month.

This past Friday, I performed at an assisted living center, about 50 people in the audience, among them, a young man in his 20s, whom immediately upon sitting down, pulled out his I-phone and began texting. Now, this irritates the living Hell out of me, but I try not to let it show to the general audiences. This time I was having a bad day with severe back pain, pain so intense that I wasn't sure I could do the job. I looked at the kid, (to me he is a kid) and said, while you're looking at your I-phone, why not Google the lyrics to this song so you can sing along with the rest of us, at which time I fired up with Toes In The Water. He put the phone away for the remainder of the hour.

Some days you get even, ;)some days you just go with the flow,

Gary

Love the I Phone story. I'll definatley remember that one to use sometimes. I bet the audience loved it too. Most people are also annoyed by the ever present I Phone in the face routine. Kids riding bikes around the narrow streets here and texting just gets me crazy.
I was sitting on a bench in the shopping mall in Cape May. A mother and three young girls sit next to me. The middle one starts whining about how her phone was dead and the other two just kept their faces in theirs.
I was thinking, " Hey kids !! Look around you and appreciate your trip to Cape May !
This kid wouldn't stop whining so finally I asked her "What is so impoertant that you need to be on your phone this very minute ?" She shyly said "nothing" and stopped the complaining. Her mother looked at me and said "I hate those things !"

Donny………you have to remember you're a musical icon in a world of ordinary mortals. When they made you they broke the mold. I mean……let’s face it……you were destined to be a huge musical star. If not that, surely a Greek God!

I can see now that you’re a battle-hardened veteran in the entertainment field. Probably seasoned by years of working the vaudeville circuit. 50 years of playing! My, my. I’ll bet you performed for the troops in WWII, Korea and Pork Chop Hill.

You know, the world was only given so much music ability and it looks like you took up most of it leaving us ordinary people with nothing but the scraps.

It’s sad for someone like me. I'm suddenly realizing I could only ever be a follower of "The Great One" with no hope ever of being the musician you are. But I could still dream. Maybe just by brushing shoulders here in the SynthZone I could absorb some of your vast talent through osmosis, though I know I'll never be the heavy hitter you are. Still, if I could take on just a fraction of your talent it might help see me through an otherwise dismal career.

I think Nigel should commission you to write a theme song for the SynthZone, before you move on to immortality. What do YOU think?

MARK

Don.......clearly you should be writing one-liners for Jimmy Fallon!

Mark

That statement was so good I had to emphasis it again. THAT is the key to dealing with difficult situations both in and out of music. I used to do it years ago (don't "emotionalize" things that are upsetting) but I forgot all about that magic formula. Thanks for reminding me.

BUT......in this scenario, it was partly the bad manners, but MOSTLY it was her upsetting my audience. I work my butt off to put them in the right mood to relax and enjoy the music and this misfit comes along and blows the whole deal. I could play through an earthquake, but it's my audience I'm always concerned about, not the earthquake!

Mama Leone (restaurant in NY) had a great line back in the 70's. "Give them good food and plenty of it and they'll always come back." I changed the word "food" to "music" and have been following that slogan ever since.

But it's becoming increasingly harder in a setting where ill-mannered people show up on your doorstep!

MARK

Thanks to the respondees and your sympathy and your empathy. This is the only room where you can get your frustrations out and be understood.

But......it's caused me to think about moving to SC now and giving up music. There would be no outlets there. Still....maybe it's time to see what leading a normal life would be like after years of doing nothing but music!

Entertaining, playing music anywhere used to be a delight that you would almost do for nothing. Now there's obstacles in the way. Those obstacles are called people.

But I have to remember what Bacchus said: "focus on the good people....there's still plenty of them."

ME: just not around here.

I did a German house party last year in Long Island and he asked the agent to bring me back again this year. I remember that job well. Everyone was polite, good-natured, genuine, and just plain a lot of fun. THOSE are the kind of people I need to focus on!

MARK

Mark

I would like to share an experience I had. I am as much a dedicated musician as anyone, and have been for over fifty years. Although, because of financial commitments, I had to be content with part time gigs for part of that time.

In 1996 my wife and I grew tired of the crime and craziness of the city and decided to move to a home on a rural lake in God's country. For a while, I was busy with my new property and adjusting to the local gentry(or not). I now had some time to get back to my music, but guess what ? I realized that I was never going to be contented with mundane activities that most people consider normal everyday life. To make matters worse, I no longer had the opportunities to play.

We sold out and moved to a nice medium sized area where I got back into playing 12 years ago. Happy again.

I guess the old adage of not missing something until it is gone might be appropriate.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Bernie

mark I dont know about that but,......

a fan once told me after a show.. ...
"Donny God gave you special gift,....do you know why he gave it to you?".... when I said No, he replied, ...
"So you can share it with the world"....to this day I always remember what he told me when I see the smiles on my audiences faces listening or dancing.
At 63 Performing Music is still MY Passion & MY Love, I will stop when I drop!!

Take care

Bernie
I'm thinking that after our phone conversation I was the one putting SC in Mark's head. the area I'm moving to is Bluffton SC which is the immediate inland section of Hilton Head Island. It's an extremely fast growing and somewhat affluent area. Hilton Head is defiantly up there . I didn't choose it for music gigs but at this point quality of life. Yet there are opportunities to play and as I said in another post I've been contacted by two bands needing keyboard players in addition to my old sax player being there. what happens happens and is it worth living in a more Urban area to get the meger $ the music business pays.? I think this is Mark's thinking too. I worked a lot in North Jersey but did it offset the high taxes , crime, rude people ? Look up Bluffton and Hilton Head and don't forget Savannah and Bueafort are close by. It ain't " the sticks" .

I believe that entertaining is a PRIVILEGE, and not a right. We are blessed to be able to bring joy into the rooms we play, and while some may not appreciate what we do, others embrace it. Do it for those who embrace the joy, and ignore the rest.

Mark,
I couldn't agree with you more. We are hired to entertain the residents and a lot of them go to a lot of trouble to be present. I lost two gigs this year over some of the same issues - visitors or even staff making so much noise the audience can't hear the music. Seems the people in charge don't have the nerve to step up and inform the offenders they should cool it. I have also dropped several places this year because of the same issues and not one person steps up and takes control. I go to these gigs to play for the residents and have a deep respect for those who show up in wheel chairs, with walkers, or with the help of someone. They deserve better.

Deane

As long as I'm not in the middle of a song, I usually just stop and look in the direction of the noise. Usually, the person making the noise realizes what they are doing and quietens down, otherwise the residents or an aide will step in. This way I never have to.

Bill

That is certainly far different as far as opportunities is concerned. My main point was in regard to Mark possibly giving up playing entirely. I feel the same as you in that a change of venue would be a far better solution, just not the sticks lol.