Today started out like any normal day this time of year, quick show, shaved, headed out the door by 10:30 to be playing for a noon till 3 christmas party. Nothing out of the ordinary, especially when you consider that every day has been this way for the past month.

The first inkling that something would go awry was today's traffic was unbelievable--even out here in the boon docks where I live. Bumper to bumper, people cutting people off and screaming obscenities at the top of the lungs, accidents are nearly every intersection where uncaring idiots ran red lights and nut cases dialing their cellular phones and running off the road and rear ending someone parked on the shoulder. Yep, they've really got the holiday spirit.

Normally, it would take me about 20 minutes to get to the first job, a distance of just 12 miles. Not today! The trip took nearly an hour, during which time I decided to munch on some hard Christmas candy that someone gave me at last night's gig. Big mistake! Snapped a tooth off right at the gum line. Called my dentist, got the answering machine and was informed that he would be out until Tuesday the 27th. The message, however, did have an alternative dentist for emergencies and provided the phone number for him. Guess what? He must not of got the message about covering for my regular dentist--he's closed until the 27th as well.

Oh well, the show must go on. Set up the Bose PAS, had about 200 people in the big hall, everyone was in a festive mood and lots of dancers. Everything was going great until an old guy walked over to me while I was singing Shake Rattle & Roll. I guess he wanted to find out how all those voices were coming out of the system. (I use the Digitech VR when doing this song.) He walked up to the PAS, looked at it, than proceeded to put his damned foot on the base, leaned against the tower and tried to look over my shoulder. I just about went berserk, grabbed his hand and moved him away from the PAS, hit the mic's kill switch and read him the riot act. Fortunately, there was no damage to the system, however, he came real close to stepping on the connectors, which would have really pissed me off.

The climax came while trying to navigate through the maze of traffic jams to get home. Some inconsiderate a**hole decided he would ride the shoulder of the road instead of waiting until he reached the right turn lane 300 feet away. He clipped my right-side mirrow, broke the glass and figured he didn't have to stop because I couldn't get out of the traffic lane and chase the SOB down. The only good thing about this is he ran over a piece of reinforcement rod on the shoulder and ended up with two blown front tires.

The mirror will cost me about $20 at the local junk yard and takes a few minutes to replace. I had serious thoughts about running over the SOB, but then just smiled and said he owed me $50 for a new mirrow and if he didn't pay up I would charge him with hit and run. He shelled out the $50, I smiled and said "Have a wonderful day--A**hole!" and left him standing on the side of the road.

Just another fun day in Paradise,

Gary

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Travlin' Easy

[This message has been edited by travlin'easy (edited 12-22-2005).]

Gary....
What a day! Any progress on the tooth?

Traffic and the crazy drivers here are similar to what you experienced. I had a job today about 20 miles from the house. I loaded up, said a prayer, and stayed in the middle lanes all the way.

Let me check something.

Yep...still have my teeth and mirror.

Eddie

Gary, what made you get out of bed this morning?

You have my sympathies buddy! Hey I work in Manhattan where 7,000,000 people are all walking to work and in FOUL mood.

Do what I do, go over to your wife, children, dog, whatever, and give them a big long hug, have a glass of wine, and count your blessings!!

You'll be surprised just how blessed you really are!

Regards,
Al

nice

Gary,
I,m glad that the driver didn't end up being the same guy that was doing the 2-step on your PAS.

I have a feeling then, that 2 people would have been visiting the dentist!


Hope you get that tooth taken care of.

Maybe a little kickapoo joy juice can help



[This message has been edited by MrEd (edited 12-22-2005).]

Gar:
Sorry to hear you had such a bad day, and I hope you get that tooth fixed, but don't understand why you shaved your head to get out the door by 10:30???

Geeesh the thought of what you must look like with no hair and a tooth missing!!

Merry Christmas.......pose

Whoops! Typo. I fixed it Pose.

Gary

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Travlin' Easy

" tis the season...................."

I was wondering about the shaved head thing to.
If it were true, I was going to sell my stock in Miss Clairol.
Eddie

Gary when you asked for the $50 you were fortunate the guy wasn't an even bigger a$$hole or you might have had a few more teeth missing
guy

[This message has been edited by guy n (edited 12-22-2005).]

Gary,

Sounds to me like some of the gazillion A**h*les that moved down here to southern Virginia may be headed back to wherever the H** they came from up north for the holidays. Maybe the bast**ds will stay there when they get back up there. Hell no ! I'll bet they can't wait to get back out of there and want to ruin our lives by coming back.

[This message has been edited by pianodano (edited 12-22-2005).]

Gary:

From all your posts you are one of the most patient folks I've heard here at SZ. I don't blame you one bit for being so pi$$ed off. You have every right to. You know what they say about payback. I think I would have skipped the $50 bucks and called the POLICE and reported it as a hit and run. That's what I mean about being patient, you are also a gentleman. Not sure I would have been so restrained in the same situation.

Hope your tomorrow goes better!

Gary, you pulling that old"You broke my mirror" trick...again..Maybe you should bump it up to a hundred dollars!!!

Gary, you need a vacation...

Mix a new batch of KICKAPOO JOY JUICE !!!

Hey Gary,

As I was reading the first part of your story I was thinking, "geez, Gary hasn't said anything about moving to Southern California". You mean you have **sholes back there too? Hope things go better the rest of the holiday season. I'm finding that the older I get - the more **sholes I run across - the less patience I have. Take care!!

vc

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Vern

Vern, I thought we had a corner on the market when it comes to **sholes!

Fran, The old mirror will be replaced this morning. I called the junk yard and as I suspected, the price has gone up over the past few years to $35, but I still have to put it on and the temperature this morning is a balmy 19 degrees at 8:30 a.m..

DNJ, last night I calmed the tooth pain with a couple green bananna margarettas and 4 aspirin tablets. I think I have enough margaretta mix to last till Tuesday when the dentist gets back to his office.

Guy, I was older, bigger and a lot meaner than the **shole that smacked my mirror. He backed down real fast when he realized he was caught red handed.

Today is my last Christmas party of the season, a 1-hour nursing home job that's relatively close to home. After 27 Christmas parties I'm glad that this is the last time this year I have to sing all those Christmas songs. Ironically, January's schedule is even more hectic and many of the folks that I performed for this holiday season have already reserved dates for next December. If I keep going at this rate, I'll soon be known as the Donny Pesce of the Chesapeake Bay region.

Cheers,

Gary

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Travlin' Easy

Gary ... Just remember, all those "Jingle Bell Rock's" are makin' the cash register rock ...
t.

Gary,

Did you ad-lib and sing "All I want for Christmas is my old front tooth".

The show must go on. Break a leg. I mean tooth.

Jerry

[This message has been edited by Jerryghr (edited 12-23-2005).]

Gary.....You be's very lucky that the SOB didn't pull a gun and start blasting...you
got a lot of CRAZIES up there in the DC area
that are packin....now a-days it takes a lot of guts (or should I say a little lower)
to even confront someone on the highway...
God Bless ya....remember UD and the Van...
the CRAZIES are out.....Merry Christmas...
kisses and hugs for Carole....
TR

In Louisiana, there would be a rifle or shotgun in the gunrack in the window, and at least one pistol in the pocket. Of course, ol' Gary's packing too. Could have been a shootout right there by the roadside.
Merry Christmas!
DonM

Tony,

Remember the old biblical verse, "Walk softly and carry a big .44 magnum" or something like that. Hmmmmm! I think maybe Dirty Harry said that instead. Oh well, you get the idea.

Merry Christmas,

Gary

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Travlin' Easy

right on Easy traveling good story, merry chrimax all, Benno

"Easy:"

Great post. Sorta makes me glad I live even further in the "boondocks." Mason told it "like it is" down here in the ArkLaTex.

Merry Christmas and Happy 2006 to you and the rest of the regulars at "The Zone."

All my best, RICE

Guess what boyz?
It's only gonna get WORSE out there!!!!

The last violent incident we had down here was when some cement worker found his wife in a cantina with another cement worker drinking and dancing and stuff and started slapping her around and when he started on the other guy, she went into the kitchen of the cantina and picked up a knife and came out and stab her husband in the leg....WE HAVE NO VIOLENCE DOWN HERE...great huh..
but we do have hurricanes.....
TR

Sadly, Violence is everywhere....its been part of human nature for thousands of years.

[This message has been edited by Dnj (edited 12-24-2005).]

Hi Gary,

The traffic was really bad yesterday afternoon. I had to call ahead to my job to tell them I might be a little late. I made it just in time. And going home was no picnic either. From here on out I only have church services left. I just finished one, have 3 more today and 1 tomorrow. Then I'm off to Florida for a few days, then back for New Years Eve. Good luck on that tooth.

Have a merry,

Joe

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Songman55
Joe Ayala

Thanks Joe,

Maybe when things slow down a bit in March or April, we can meet up--I'll buy the Kickapoo Joy Juice.

Gary

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Travlin' Easy

I'm looking forward to it.

Joe

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Songman55
Joe Ayala