My eldest asked if she could take kick-boxing. I said "no", mainly because I could handle any more transportation duties and kickboxing does not seem essential to her education. She was very insistent, but I stood my ground. Apparently, she went kickboxing on my equipment, by precious Wavestation A/D was demolished, and my A-50 keyboard (and the stand it was on)were gone. That was not all that was damaged.

I am, for loss of a better term, heartbroken, especially over the A-50 controller(and the circumstances of its demise). It is long since out of production and there has never been a metter controller for my purposes. There are none on ebay at the moment, but I plan to check frequently. If anyone comes across a Roland A-50 midi controller for sale, please let me know.

Clif

????? .... and, as paul Harvey says "The REST of the story ??!??!? ......
t.

A very upsetting story... in more ways than one.

The rest of the story--well, its not over yet, and I am still struggling to understand what is going on, and am still struggling to address what she did. I need some time to put this in perspective. I have informed her than attacks on me could impair my ability to support her (e.g., pay for her college education). It seems hard for her to relate my well-being to my family's financial health. For my part, I have to deal with doubts about my parenting--still, the other four children relate well to me, and the avenger is actually doing well outside her relationship with me--so, I think I am doing ok.

I not a pro musician or even a good musician. But of the few material things I really care about, most are musical instruments. I want to replace the A-50. In the meantime, I removed two old guitars from her access.

Hi Clif, wow, what a story! Considering the fact that I've met your kids at our West Coast Synthzone gathering last year in San Jose, my curiosity has now got the best of me in trying to guess WHICH of your daughters is the culprit. Perhaps she was vying for your attention, and felt your Wavestation & A-50 as competing for your attention. Whatever the reason, I trust that you'll find suitable disciplinary resolution, as it's certainly not acceptable behavior. Perhaps Dear Abbey or Ann Landers might have some suggestions on this. Ok, so what's wrong with kickboxing? Though kickboxing may not be essential to her education, it certainly is a good fitness for both mind and body development. Clif, hope to see you at our next West Coast Jam, which I heard (from Bebop), may be possibly scheduled for Spring 2006. - Scott

Cliff,

Both posts suggest your priority being with losing your "stuff" rather than your father/daughter relationship. I'm sorry if it sounds offensive, but being a parent myself, I can't relate. How about consuling?

Glenn

We might not want to be so quick to judge here.. We don't know what other things might have happened that led up to this, and perhaps we don't need to know more anyway. We may think we're seeing the whole picture here when chances are we're not.

First, Clif, like any parent, has every right to set the limits on what his kids can and can't do, regardless of what the rest of us might think about the benefits or lack thereof of kickboxing or anything else. He also already said that his transportation duties were stretched to the limit. I know exactly how that is, being the only driver in a 4 person household and living in the sticks to boot.

Second, It isn't wrong that Clif is thinking of his material possessions, and he did say he is looking for answers to what caused the problem in the first place, and it sounds like he is questioning his parenting skills to boot. The attack for him was likely very personal, because it was on his beloved equipment. Don't discount the significance of that.

Actually, I think his reaction is probably pretty normal based on what I've experienced and learned myself for what has unfortunately been a long road for my family. It is my hope that for his family that this is a more isolated incident that is a symptom of something that can be addressed in some way that the outcome becomes positive, and that he doesn't have so long a road with this.

I am the stepfather of a very troubled ( adult ) child, hence I am raising 2 lovely granddaughters, much to my delight. The situations and events that caused this however are far from delightful. Our story doesn't have a happy ending as far as my stepdaughter is concerned, at least not to this point, and this has been going on for many years already.. but... the children are safe and seem to be rather happy, and we've all come to terms with and accepted the situation for what it is as best we can. My wife and I have both run the gamut of emotions on this and have sought out and received much professional help, so I do speak with some ( learned of course ) experience when I tell you that what you think you'll do and feel may not be reality when it hits you ( and I hope it never does ), but Dear Abby and Ann Landers probably aren't gonna be enough.

Maybe you might want to rethink this and maybe then you'll want to cut Clif some slack here... ok ? He needs nothing more than support from his friends here at the zone. If he thinks the situation warrants it, the real helpful analysis and advice should come from profesionals.

AJ



[This message has been edited by Bluezplayer (edited 10-17-2005).]

AJ, not sure if your comments were specifically intended for me, but I certainly can fully understand Clif's reaction, as well as how he handled it. I don't claim to have answers to how to resolve it, and realize that it may point to a deeper problem. Because I know Clif personally a friend, I think he ALREADY KNOWS that he has my FULL SUPPORT. I know Clif as a loving & caring father. My comments about the Kickboxing, was more tongue n' cheek, and meant more to lighten the somber mood of the situation. Perhaps I forgot to add a smiley. - Scott

Scott, what I didn't see in anyone's response was any compassion for or understanding of Clif's feelings, but since you are his friend and there was some tongue in cheek in your response, well... you know how it is on a forum... it doesn't translate well to others who don't know that, so maybe that makes me guilty if being too quick to judge too then ? . Yes, I think maybe a smiley might have changed the look a wee bit maybe

Sometimes I've said stuff here that I'm doesn't translate well either but anyone who knows me in the real world knows I wear my emotions on my sleeve. You don't know how many times in I've heard tounge in cheek " Tell us what you REALLY think AJ ".

Clif is going through something that hits home pretty hard for me as well and probably ( unfortunately ) quite a few other parents, and I'm sure as his friend you will support him Scott.

AJ

Clif,

Having raised two beautiful daughters I can relate to the incident that Clif experienced. My oldest daughter had no issues at all through those very GIRLS ONLY COUNT teen years! Yet, my youngest gave me so much stress and problems I still wonder how we made it through. I have experienced similar incidents as Clif in my home with my daughter and I can tell you this: I wanted my broken things back! As far as parenting? These kinds of child related issues have no bearing on anyone's parenting skills. Young people are individuals and develope their own ways of growing into adulthood. Unfortunatly, some take the long hard road.

In my case? My wayword daughter is now 27 years old, married and just became the mother of TWINS! Boy and Girl. She is the best Mom any child could hope for! My oldest daughter 32 is a wonderful Aunt.

But,I passed my wayword daughter the curse! She recounts those difficult years we had from time to time and KNOWS she will have them with her own children someday. We made it through all those bad times.

I hope Clif you get your treasured items back (you deserve them and rightfully should have them no matter what!) and do not take you daughters actions personaly. She will reward you someday she really will. Hang in there this too will pass.

-Linda