i was able to talk to a therapist friend of mine yesterday. i was doing some computer work when the discussion turned toward this topic. her opinion was after years of performing live and being under the pressure of performing (my situation was in large concert with big name artists and studio work), maybe the universe was telling me (in retirement) to lighten up and start having fun. this is what i did new years eve. so my keys are staying and i have taken a different attitude to my music and playing at 72 years old.
thank you for your input.