Wow! Need to hear that others' have defiant teens too! Wish he would've come with directions. Wife and I working our way through it, but sure does take its toll. Thanks for listening and sharing.
zuki

Zuki,

All teens are defient to some degree. The key to getting through this stage is first and foremost to let them know who is boss. And to do this in no uncertain terms. If you haven't already done this, establish ground rules, such as the time they must be home, certain chores that must be done, etc and stick to your guns.

Teens know everything! If you don't believe this, just ask them and they'll tell you. They think their parents are dumb as dirt, and don't have a clue what is going on in their world.

Probably one of the best things I ever did with my children was to introduce them to the world of recreational fishing. We spent lots of time plying the open waters of Chesapeake Bay and its major tributaries. This was done at least once a week when the weather permitted aboard the decks of a 21-foot center console boat. After a 12 to 15 hour day on the water the only thing my son and daughter wanted to do was get some sleep.

We also got involved with them in lots of other activities. Sports, computers, various hobbies, anything that we all could enjoy. Granted, they got into things they should not have at time, but overall I believe they have done very well in life.

I was very strict with my son, knowing if he was anything like me he would be somewhat adventurous and possibly take one of life's many wrong pathways. While my wife said I was too strict, my son, who is now approaching age 40 said to my wife "Dad was pretty strict with us, but I'm sure glad he was."

In contrast, my brother and his wife have been very laxed in the upbringing of their children. Essentially, they let them do anything they wanted, used a TV set for a baby sitter while they partied with friends, then gave them money anytime they asked for it. All were (and possibly still are) on various drugs, one of the daughters bore a child and has no idea who the father is, and now my brother had to raise, house and feed his grandchildren because his children followed the same pattern of parenting.

The best advice I have is for you and your wife to get involved in everything your children do, and do it now. It's the best thing you can do, and they will thank you later in life in more ways than you can imagine. Ignore the problem and it will surely get worse.

Good Luck,

Gary

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Travlin' Easy

Gary,s advice is good,the problem is that if a lot of parents act irresponsible their kids go to school with their set of irresponsible ways, which will rub off onto your kids,so if you let your kids hang around with these kids after school,your children will go the same way.If you don,t control them ,they will try to control you.
When one of my kids got into minor trouble with the police i went to the police station with my children and asked if i could let them see what a prison cell was like,and i explained that if you do anything wrong this is where you will be placed with other BAD people,it seems to have worked.Mike

Having lived in both countries (Asia and the US now). I do see the difference in parenting styles. In Asia- parents don't try to your 'friend'. Parents are parents, period. Also for many (all good) rules that my parents imposed- they gave me one good reason: They're the parents and I'm the kid. I noticed from my friends in the US, sometimes when they tell their kids not to do (or to do) something, they have to 'justify' their actions to their kids. I would say it would be much easier to implement the rules to the kids when they're younger rather than when they are 17 years old.

I am only in my early 30s and just offering my .02 cents.

Hope everything works Zuki.
KN