Hi all....
Long time no hear, hope everybody is doing ok.

I do have something I'd like to share with everybody here and hoping that you guys can share your .02 cents:

Guys,

I'm sure everybody here has gone through some kind of problems in the workplace...well....please read my (long) situation below and hope you can share your .02 cents

Here's the situation:

I deal with a first-time supervisor who only a few weeks into my employement started treating me disrespectully, many times also seem bothered if I get more recognition for my achievement and results from our boss (or others in the company). There are other things (including constant jokes at my expense, patronizing way of talking, etc). He reacted negatively to both times when I tried to resign from the company (calling me backstabber, threatened (or in his words "joking") to spread untruth rumours about me, etc). Many times I did not get clear instructions from him and had to make executive decisions, and then being critizised or questions afterwards. He also snapped at me during stressful times either at work or when he is having problem at home.

After an extended period of time (two years) of dealing with this...I decided enough is enough and finally I gave my resignation (with six weeks notice). This is the third (and final) time for me trying to resign from this position.

Now, here's the twist....right after I gave my resignation, a few upper echelon directors/VP showed interests in finding out why I resign....as well as they started to point out all my results, etc....witnessing all this, my supervisor has changed his behavior quite a bit (damage control?!).....I've done an 'informal' exit interview with one of the top directors of the company....I did not mention any specifics but I did mention that the reason why I am leaving is because "In my opinion, I have a certain expectations about respect, supportive and positive work environment, and unfortunately in this case we have a mismatched expectations in those areas"....ok I may sound like a diplomat, but in my own vague way, I wanted to give him the idea that something is wrong...when the director pressed for more details, I said that "well, such and such person is a respectful very respectful, etc...(all good things)" and when the director asked about my direct supervisor...I paused for probably 10 seconds and later on I said "I learned a lot from him"

OK....obviously the director (who exit interviewed me) is pretty sensitive of what's going on...he wanted to meet me one more time before I leave....

If you were in my situation, would you air the dirty laundry at that time or would you just leave and maintain your 'silence'? I know that at least within the past three-four weeks many has mentioned/expressed their appreciation to what I've done for the company, so I know they are aware of my contribution..I can't mention specifics, but they have done quite a few damage control just to keep me there until the end of the year.

My plan was going to just say "Well, I did have various problems with my supervisor, our personality and his management/personality/communication style was not a good fit" and leave it at that....do you think that's good enough or should I let it go?

Comments are appreciated.

I think you should tell what really happened. If you don't, your replacement will have the same do-do to put up with.
DonM

Yes you should tell all. I am a suporvisor where I work. I let all my co-workers know all their options, even if it is with me! Most of them did not know their options before I told them... pretty sad in current day corperate America.

No one can address a problem that they can't identify. Blow the whistle, but do it with grace and respect.

Thanks all for your answer....

I just wanted to make sure I didn't 'burn any bridges' although pretty unlikely I will go back to work for the company..I was promised however to receive letters of recommendation (one from another manager, two from other top directors (CEO and CFO)and this director himself promised me one..), so as far as recommendations, I should be good to go...I think.

I will say though...the selfish part of me think...yeah all the stuff I'm sharing now is for the benefit of the next person...but I'm the one bearing the risk...after putting up and giving a lot to the company (earning them more than a couple mill last year-without any big bonuses until my resignation which they promptly threw in almost 25% raise- which is more of a damage control rather than for appreciation), part of me is saying, stop giving...

I predict my boss may say something like "How could you do this to me, I thought you a lot, I shared a lot of knowledge, info with you, etc.." or "I treated you nicely, I let you go home early (after all my stuff are done btw), etc.." which in my opinion, he made things that a manager SUPPOSED to do but he made it sound like he did me a favor. Heck knowing him, he might try to email me at home about this (my mistake for giving him my home email).

Don't get me wrong though...I am not in anyway bitter, after all I did learn a lot, but I just want to look out for myself too.

Additional comments are appreciated.

Sounds familiar. I resigned a $7,000 a month retainer client several years ago. It was a small private Kentucky college. The president is a minister/insurance agent (fundraiser) who was fired by his own church twice for doing exactly what we're talking about. In this case, he makes the lives of all his direct reports miserable and goes to great lengths to make it nearly impossible for those he reports to (the board) to know what's really going on. There is no faculty/staff representation on the board. The board got some wind that there was a problem, and I was hired to research the situation. I discovered that 75% of the faculty and staff had been at the institution less than 5 years, and 80% of the faculty/staff reported that the administration was totally closed to any imput. I discovered later that this guy edited the final research report to make it favorable to the administration. I was then hired to be the communications consultant. No faculty/staff members would even talk to me, at first, so I had my people go out of their way to build a level of trust. As that happened, I was asked to do our work off-campus. When board members came to the restaurant where I played and mention to the president that they saw me, a VERY WORRIED president asked me to write a "contact report" detailing our conversation. If I ran into a board member on campus, this guy would literally run to interrupt the contact.

Hundreds of kids left dissatisfied. Faculty turnover is about 4 times the national average.

The guy is still there, making everyone miserable with his half-truths, intimidation, etc.

He'll be found out, but, in the meantime, is still destroying the place.

The damage is massive. As in your case, the organization management needs to be informed so they can fix the problem. Sadly, politics on college campuses are sometimes darker and more damaging than in Corporate America.

Sometimes, doing the right thing means telling the truth, even if someone is terminated in the process. I tried by talking to the one board member I knew casually, but the guy promised to change, and doubled his efforts to "hide, intimidate and separate". The board only visits the campus 4 times a year, and is comprised completely of large doners.They take no on-going active role in management.

I'd do what I could to call attention to the problem for employees who stay and for the organization itself.

It's been three years, and this situation still really bothers me.


Good luck,


Russ

..... NOT telling the truth harms more ...
t.

[This message has been edited by tony mads usa (edited 11-17-2006).]

Just another yes be truthful I'd tell it like it as and as Uncle Dave has said, "blow the whistle and do it with respect."

Good luck.

Lots of good advises, but what I miss..
Did you ever talk to that supervisor straight and told him what is bugging you about his behaviour???

Just a thought..

Fred

Why would you NOT tell the truth? What are you afraid of? Tell it like it is.

------------------
Bill
Yamaha PSR2000

Yep. I would have never known if my brother had not become a professor. He is about as kind a fellow as I know and very conscientious and dedicated. Not once, but twice, he's come across to egocentric idiots like you describe in his career and it has kept him from gaining tenure. Twice, he has had to quit and go to another university because he couldn't take it anymore. And he's as diplomatic as they come but he definitely spoke his mind. He says politics in academia is unbelievable.

I work in a huge company of 65,000 people. I see this all the time. I'm no expert on this topic, but as a manager myself, I have been trained in these issues.

Normally, when reconciliation and understanding between a supervisor and an employee cannot be obtained, a third party arbitrator should be used to resolve differences. This is usually an HR relationship manager. However, it is much too late in this case. Here's why:

When you first observed these negative behaviors by your manager, you should have been on the superior so fast, that his head would have spun. I would have sent a message immediately that his behavior would not be tolerated. If I could not resolve this one-on-one, I would have brought in the mediator to enforce the respect and hostile environment issues.

You are currently at a disadvantage, in that you have not addressed this issue head-on in the past. This sort of makes YOU look bad. Bringing it up on the way out the door looks like sour grapes and also creates skepticism regarding your claim.

I feel your pain on this, but nothing can be gained by trashing the other manager when you put up with it for two years! Let it go, and start new at another place.

Al

[This message has been edited by kbrkr (edited 11-19-2006).]

To answer one of the questions..yes I have tried to resolve this issue directly with him, with little results. Knowing him also, any type of HR exposure would have probably resulted in some kind of more sabotage or other type of retaliation.

Al,
Just to clarify, I won't be doing it in any disrespectful manner. So I disagree a little bit with the 'trashing' part, obviously I am not a vindicitive or sour person as you can see I am asking all sorts of advise from people. Hmmm..I don't know I guess I could just probably not say anything (and keep the upper level management guessing)and knowing the manager I deal with, he may do it again...but then I may look bad also because I didn't share it with them.



[This message has been edited by KN_Fan (edited 11-19-2006).]

Hard to say whether you should or shouldn't...
I guess I'm not in your shoes but if I were in a similar situation I'd probably say it like it is. I'm not the type to walk away though... At the same time if you're somewhat ambivalent about leaving or staying I think it is risk free for you to allow yourself to come forward and may be even confront the supervisor. If he's got any balls at all he'll respect you for it. If not... he might just get his knickers in a twist... But I guess if you're leaving it won't matter one way or the other.

I know it sounds somewhat macho but sometimes you just have to do what works.

At the same time, if you've thought about this a million times and decided to just cut losses (if any ensue) and move on that is also understandable. Some things just aren't worth wasting your time on.

-ED-

Please voice any questions if you have any.

What you do, depends on what are you trying to achieve:

If you want to continue work for the company, then you should really stress that the only reason you wanted to resign is that person, especially if any questions to colleagues of yours or former bosses, will be answered generally with "KN_Fan is one of the best persons to work with".

There is no lie in describing the situation as it is, and (the way I see it) no gain in hiding things from top executives, things they should know. What they do with the knowledge you provide, you dont have to care.

On the other hand, if you want to resign for any other additional reason, then you can again tell the situation like it is, doing both the company and your successor the favour of getting rid of someone of no dignity, or professional manners, of no benefit for the company.
Again, what is the gain for not telling the situation as it is?

the way I see it, in both circumstances, you will gain or at least you won't lose. First, you continue to work for the company, minus the jokes, personal attacks, or even better, minus the person.
Second, you go to work somwhere else, having reccomendations, gain, minus the person.

I understand that you didn't go to the HR straight away, (I would also try to resolve things in more personal way, without resorting to umpires) but well, that is history. No use to cry over spilt milk.

As of the "bitter end" and "bearing a grudge" thing, no matter what they think, it is what will YOU or OTHERS may gain of this.
Theodore
Theodore

Theodore..very we'll thought out and articulated response. In fact, the exchange as a whole, reflects positively on the "zone" the individual members and the group in general.


Thanks,


Russ

Update:

As of Monday I'm a free man (Friday was officially my last day) and I didn't get to air out the last few details due to the execs were all in the meeting..but that's ok I think it was meant (or not meant) to be. My confidant in the company told me however that certain people have been questioning the real reason why I left (because my performance have been great and things seem to be ok on the surface and career wise they thought that I was doing well) and they're speculating that my manager was the reason why I left and turned out that he made more enemies in the company than I thought.

Anyway...left the company with my last good byes, a couple additional managers shared their personal thanks and offered themselves as references. The execs also asked for my home address to mail in their letter of references also..so I think I'm pretty set in that area.

Sent my last parting email and celebrating the rest of the night at a Brew Fest and finishing with a couple rum'n coke

That's all

If I may add a short note (more like questions) to this....

So I have experienced working for three different companies...very small companies (under 30 people), Small-Mid company (my recent company) of about 500 people and Big size company (1000 people..>$1 billion plus)

There are pluses and minuses and the stereotypes so far are:

Big companies really milk you for what its worth...long hours, etc. But my experience with the bigger company (the one prior to my last one) that they take harrasment and similar incidents more seriously (or at least the managers are more aware of their behavior?)

Small companies- more reasonable hours, but HR people may not have the teeth since the owner has control over what's going on...or the HR dept sometimes function just to take care of health care benefits, etc.

I've seen a few articles, message boards about bad managers and what they can do to the workforce. One of the articles mentioned that 90% of Americans have worked for a bad manager at least once in their lives..it's just an amazing number. Looking back almost 19 months ago I hope my expectation was not too idealistic? I asked for Respect (no condescending remarks like "I will treat you like a subordinate from now on"), no making fun of my personal info (race, religion, etc), not taking credits for my work, not giving me a hard time if I just happened to leave an hour early, etc...

Kinda a rethorical question...is a good, professional, fair, respectful manager just a myth? I mean it all boils down to treat others how you want to be treated yet, why certain people would just be abusive towards others?

Sorry this is kinda a first time thing for me to deal with somebody with all this problem and I'm jut curious.

On a different note...I've saved enough money to just hang out, not worry about work for a few months..perhaps focusing more on my music