Last night it was a party of about 200...a "Change of Watch" banquet for a yacht club. I've done it the last 3 years with a female singer and it has always been a good job with the typical cocktail music in the beginning working up to the the normal routine or R&R, polkas, Rhumbas, country, blues, etc.

But, last night, the new commodore's wife said there was a "professional torch singer" in the audience. I balked, but it was made more than clear to me that this is what the first lady wanted.

So, at the first break I went over to the torch singer's table to meet her and find out what she would like to sing. She appeared to be in her late 50's, a slightly pudgy redhead (probably an UD reject,lol) and spoke with some kind of a latin accent..but it was hard to specify as she was slurring her speach.
(Red Flag number one.)

Then she turns to the guy she was with, whom she identified as her "manager" and says, "What key do I do number 30 in?" He says "F". I say, "What is number 30?". He says, "Don't get around much anymore..and she wants it slow and sultry".

She says, "What key do I do number 36 in?"
He says "That is also in F". I say, "What is number 36?" He says, "Lady is a tramp". She says, "And I want it real slow."

So...next set I bring her up. My female singer sets her up with the mic and takes a back seat. I start the intro to "number 30", she walks out on the dance floor and proceeds to belt out "Don't get around much anymore". I had to turn her mic down a bit..she was very powerful and style-ized the song as though she thought she was Ella Fitz. It wasn't horrible...but it wasn't Ella. The room hushed for about a minute, then I heard chatter return. No one danced.

Then came song "number 36". She didn't like the tempo I picked and told me to speed it up. After several adjustments while vamping, she jumped in. Again heavy jazz styling and the insertion of a few 4 letter words into the lyrics which made me cringe a bit in light of the sophistication of the crowd. She was show-boating a bit, not too many were paying attention..and again, no dancers. But, I thought it went as well as could possibly be expected.

When she finished, she brought the mic over to me and said, "I don't think they noticed any of your mistakes." (That was extremely comforting to know.)

No "thank yous". No professional courtesy. No pleasantry of any kind. My singer walked over to her and said "Nice job". Ms. Torch Singer said, "Yeah, I know" and walked away.

By then, I felt the need to change the mood in the room and went with "Celebration" which filled the dance floor and resulted in a major Conga line which snaked its way through the dining room and bar.

Ms. Torch and her manager did not participate, preferring to chat...presumably about her performance.

This whole rant is just to accentuate why I REALLY don't want to accomodate guest singers, unless I know them and know that they can please the crowd of the moment.

And I was somewhat taken back by her (and her manager's) lack of professional courtesy.

THE TOPPER: At the end of the night, the guy that was supposed to pay me had already left. I'm guessing it was during #30 and #36. LOL.

Another round, Nigel!

Eddie

I think I better make it a double shot Eddie. That sounds like a real horror story. But at least your audience had a good time with you the rest of the time.

I think this is a common nightmare for all of us.
These champions that have no self-insight, wading their way up to the microphone because they think they can sing. 'It sounds great in the shower.'
I normally tell the person to come back towards the end of the night, because as I say, 'when one starts, they all come running'.
They usually accept this, and by the end they have either have left or they've forgot about it. And if they think I was going to call them up, wooops, I forgot. And when you shut down and they approach you with 'why wasn't I called upon' I say :'Sorry I completely forgot.......'

------------------
Roy-Andrè

Back in the good ol days when I worked steady, here's what worked for me.

sure honey be glad to back you, but to do this, I need practice to learn your songs in order to get the best for you and make you really sound good, come to reheasal next week and we'll put it together.( then i'd say flatly I did not want to embarase myself or you)

Never had one show up in over 30 years doing this..........Pose

[This message has been edited by loungelyzard (edited 01-17-2005).]

1. That is a very 'good' story Eddie.

2. RoyandReno...but my singing DOES sound good in the shower, probably cause of the natural reverb

3. Seriously guys, I think I can sing well, as long as my band 'doesn't play the wrong song' or have a sudden acid-reflux.

Hey Eddie, funny story! These are the things that make you cringe when they occur, but make for great BAR room stories at some point in time. Thanks for sharing.

If the singer says to play it in Eb try Ab instead. No one but you will know that you used the transpose button. The Tyros will still display an Eb.

It will discourage the rest from trying.

Kn-Fan:
I'd let you sing any day of course!


------------------
Roy-Andrè

Transpose may be a good idea, but one day I was supposed to play one song in a three piece jazz band (at church). Halfway throughout the song I was like what the heck how come the bass player keeps playing a wrong note! Turned out I was playing in the key of F as agreed, but I ALSO transposed my keyboard to the key of F!

Good thing it was jazz ... probably nobody noticed ....
(Said VERY tongue in cheek as I am a fan of JAZZ) ...
t.

Yep, been there, done that Eddie.

We had a guy once who was the manager/emcee of the club and always insisted on doing his party piece 'I Left My Heart in San Francisco'. He used to like it in the key of F. Progressively over a period of a few nights we upped the key a semitone at a time. By the end of the fourth night he damn near gave himself a hernia and never troubled us again.

Oh, that's a good one.

About 4 years ago I was getting lots of calls for duo jobs and decided to hire a female vocalist. After auditioning about a dozen, I stopped trying to find one. Most could not carry a tuna in a five-gallon bucket, some said the knew all the songs on my list, but did not know any when they picked up a mic, and all thought they should collect huge sums of money for just showing up and looking pretty. Maybe one day, when I'm really old, one will come along--NAH!

Gary

I would of told her sorry I dont know those tunes give me your backup CD or come back on Karaoke night.........!

Singers with EGOS.
Listen to American IDol just one night. Every singer states they expect to be the next American Idol, however only 1 in 10 can carry a tune in key and only 1 in 50 can perform.
THIS IS THE FUTURE??
Sad
Bebop

There's an amatuer theater production company her in town. Several years ago, a member came up to me and asked to sing a song for his wife. He had the chart, so, even though the tune wasn't particularly appropriate for a quiet patio, I did it. The next week, he and 5 other members showed up, complete with charts for a "performance".

I had to refuse. These folks complained to management, but luckily, they supported me, saying I made the decisions. I stopped all
sit-ins. That's a shame, because I really enjoyed it when some of the pros in the neighborhood would sit in on guitar or horn.

I now tell folks who want to sit in that
the format is background music and what they want to do just dosn't mesh with the program.


russ

This is a testy situation I run into a fair amount, but I have as of yet for it to be a problem - I just say no. I even put the mic I announce with on a short cable and plug it into the keyboard so noone can use it but me.

But the part that would really bother me would be the implied threat that if I didn't allow someone to sing that my job/gig would be in jeopardy somehow, either now or in the future. I wouldn't work under those conditions.

It's the future, the present and the past. In the general population maybe 1 in 10 can carry a tune and it's very probable that considerably less than 1 in 50 can perform. It's just that when you put on a show of that nature you encourage the egomaniacs, and I'm sure that a lot of those who proclaim that they're the next American Idol are put up to it by the producers just to annoy folks like you and I.

Speaking of egos - what about that Gene Simmons guy? Seems to me his greatest claim to any kind of talent was that someone came up with a nifty (for the time) face-painting job. As a singer, I doubt he'd have got as far as an on-camera tryout. I Just Wanna Rock an' Roll All Night . . what a musical gem that was. Give me a break.

I played for years with a guy who built his career around "sit ins". His name is Preston Weber. I played two sets on B-3 and Rhodes, and backed him on a double-kneck Carvin bass/6 string combination the other two sets. When it came time to solo, I switched to pedal bass.

The guy was awful! He couldn't tune his guitar, never rehearsed once in 10 years, was always late, didn't know the words to songs, had bad timing, and was the highest paid guy in the area. He created a party, and half the audience was there to sing, play the "gut bucket" or tamborine...whatever. Most knew one or two songs. All were terrible. But, they would bring their friends and wait for hours to be called upon. It was terrible music, but what a party. Preston leveraged egos into a lifetime career. The rooms he played were packed six nights a week. He played the cheeziest selection of sing-along type songs you ever heard. He started off as a folk singer and switched to primarily country songs when the timing was right. I made 1/3 the money he made and played twice as long.
From a business and entertainment standpoint he was worth every penny. This made me appreciate the ability to entertain (something I'm not good at).
I just sat back an laughed my a** off!

Russ

Alot of "musicians" underestimate the value of entertainment. I have a friend that does a solo act and he always complains, he wants the audience to sit there, shut up and listen to the songs he wants to play.
Obviously he's not as successful as he thinks he should be.

[This message has been edited by mikeathome1 (edited 01-27-2005).]

Wow, what an appropos story. This is EXACTLY what I have discussed on some forums... something like live karaoke. Because it's so hard to make any money anymore. But I've never gone through with it because I really don't know if I could take it. I mean, again, last week, I let a girl sing a song and she was just terrible. That one guest was enough to ruin me again. I can't imagine a whole evening, much less a career of that. Wow.

Of course, the reason Preston could do it was maybe he just didn't have a very good ear. If you were even close, he probably enjoyed it.

Did Preston drink?

When we have discussed this on forums, I came up with the idea that the only way I could see it being tolerable is that you have only x-number of guest songs per set and the rest of the time, you could play your music. So they wouldn't take over and hog every song.

Now that I think back, I don't know if I've ever had any guest singer who was worth a flip.

A biggie for me is people up there around my gear. Tripping over cords, drunks leaning into equipment. Yikes. That makes me very nervous. I keep thinking I'll string up that black and yellow "Danger" tape around the stage.

I've done a lot of it, particularly when I had "piano" bars. I don't like it at all.
I've had many sit-ins who were very good, and I wish there was a way to invite them and exclude the others, but it's a touchy situation.
It's even worse now that Karaoke is so big, because people come up thinking that's what I do and some of them really can't understand that I'm playing the songs myself.
I've had several come up and say "let me see your book", thinking I have those lists that the K-guys hand out.
DonM

Right On, Don!!!

I don't know which is worse: A) having a guest singer that makes the crowd groan, or B) having one that is better than me.
Hey! It happens.

Tonight I am filling in for a guy at private club where the format for the evening is "open mic" and encouragement of group singing. Management knows this is a departure from what I normally do...but they fully explained the program to me and I appreciate knowing in advance what it is all about. So, no one will be turned away..and what happens, happens. They even video tape the singers and play it back during breaks to jeers and cheers at the bar.

Yeah, its kinda Karaoke-ish...but at least they hired a live player to do the job.

Eddie

I cut my first record in 1958 at the age of 18...I had made a demo in 57 singing lead in
a vocal group consisting of 4 Afro-Americans
and myself...before the record was released, I was voted out of the group and replaced with a friend of the baritone also Afro- American...total pay received $125.00...such
is life....did a lot of Doo Wop back then...
still do...the folks like it and ask for it
a lot....I then tried to jump to swing and standards recording "Satin Doll" in 1959...
should've studied the piano.....didn't, so here I am at age 65 starting to learn how to play the key board...I am working hard at it...maybe one day I'll get it....the point being, I've traveled and performed all over
entertaining since I was 18...I have been here in Mexico for 20 years where I can't get good musicians....had to resort to using
karaoke discs to continue singing and entertaining my customers in my restaurant...
I've had to endure the "Shower Singers" many times, some good and most well, just say they
were here and tried....I do everything here from Willie Nelson to Phantom all in the original keys...so the Karaoke concept will
work with a plan...remember, all of the musicians show up on time, all play in the same key and tempo...no drunks or drug users
no personal conflicts or who is the star and they all work for the same pay...But, I will master this Psr 3000 before I leave this place and when I go, I will leave the legacy
to my now 7 year daughter Francesca who will take over....opps, sorry for babbling, I just want to share the karaoke concept with you all....BTW, DO YOU KNOW WHAT KARAOKE MEANS IN JAPANESE????......

TONE DEAF...HEHEHE

Eddie, be sure and take a "cheapo" guest mic.
Not only because they might drop it, but because they will infect it with bad notes.
DonM

".I have been here in Mexico for 20 years where I can't get good musicians...."

I'm not that far away from you...and for hire!
A couple weeks in Mexico sounds good to me.
DonM

Don...what I would like to do is get about 10 or 12 guys and put together a "Big Band"
for down here...it would be an instant success and a money maker....IMHO...you have any players in mind????

Preston drank on stage....Coke in a coctail glass. He would stop periodically and invite everyone to have a drink with him. It made the cash register ring and that's what he was all about. He got a percentage of sales in addition to an exorbitant (for this area)
salary. In the mid-60's, he was making $1000.00 a week plus a 10% override (10% of bar sales over $1000.00 during the 4 hours he worked), room, meals, drinks, entertainment allowance and laundry. I was making $300.00 and lucky to get it.

He worked the room...knowing just how many drinks one table would buy waiting to get up on stage before they left. Just before the table reached that point he would invite the "performer" at that table to "come on up".

Preston was just marginally better than the awful guests musically, but that was the point. He created a party every night. Many people were there 3-4 nights per week.

Sadly, in 1994, Preston developed tongue cancer (wasn't a smoker...probably the years in a smokey lounge) and had to have 1/2 his tongue removed, along with skin from his left forearm to repair the damage. The operation took 23 1/2 hours, and he was given a 25% chance of surviving 5 years. He is still alive, living on disability and gambling. He has a feeding tube and is impossible to understand. Never could play much guitar, but left arm damage makes any playing impossible. Eating, singing and entertaining was what this guy's life was all about and now he can't do any of it.

He was a unique performer...not my style, but it worked


Russ

It happened again last night - second time this week that someone decided that they would sing with me. This elderly guy walked up on stage and said "I want to see your songlist so I can pick out some songs that I can sing with you". My reply was "no, I don't do that" and I took a break and left. Earlier in the week it was an elderly lady.

There are karaoke bars, open jam nights, and other local groups/bars that invite singers... there is no lack of places for this. I think that's what driving this - people really do assume that they can sing anywhere. I'm the exception rather than the rule I think. Fortunately management supports me 100% - another guy who plays where I do allows singers and word is that it always sucks and it always empties the seats.

I want to get a sign with a microphone and a red slash circle on it.

In an earlier post I mentioned the "open mic" gig I was to play tonight.

Well....I guess what actually happened at the job should go under a lesson called, "Don't assume anything".

I was prepared for the just about anything and expecting a lot of "guest singers". I had a guest mic set up but out of view. I used a headset mic for myself. Apparantly the headset with no other mic in view gave the impression there was not another mic available.

As the evening progressed one lady asked if I had another mic, and I gave it to her. She was pretty good. When I prompted the audience for a show of support...the response was minimal. In spite of that, she came up and asked to sing four other times.

Later, the bar manager told me the members were sick and tired of her and others who sing the same songs week after week. Several members told the bar manager that tonight was much more enjoyable than most Fridays because I kept it very tight...not giving much time for anyone to ask to sing.

He plans to tell the guy I filled in for to get a headset and not even bring another mic.

That could be a rough call in light of the fact that he has been caving to singer's requests for the last two years.

Eddie

Jim,

The sign sounds like a great idea! Even then, some folks will still come up and ask. I have an inepensive Radio Shack mic that I keep ready for event providers that wish to make announcements. The volume is kept down to a minimum, it's always turned off and never out where anyone can see it. Kinda' like the Out of Sight--Out Of Mind mentality.

Cheers,

Gary

Every time I see the title of this topic, on my computer it looks like "The Dreaded Quest Singer". I immediately think of all the old Elvis's (Elvi?) singers getting up, one after another, and singing "The Quest".
It's silly in here this morning. Think I'll go play G**F.
DonM

Let's face it .....if you play bars your gonna get people that want to sing!!....its the "NEW WAVE" of karaoke mentality for drunks with ba**s and American Idol wannabes who see a chance to sing and go for it being your the medium they will use because your on the stage. I personaly hate bars & restaurants to play in .....must be because I did it for 15+ years [pre karaoke popularity].....but made a decision to play private affairs for the last 15 years ONLY!!
To complian about "Guest Singers" Drunk or Sober is fruitless because the requests to do so will never end, in fact they will increase so get used to it...when bar owners see their cutomers having fun, staying to sing and drink, and spending money,that will always come first in their eyes $$.You can make all the arguments with the owners but will always lose out to the almighty dollar every time....
You are replacable by so many other entertainers and karaoke dj's it ain't funny out there...what this has done to "OUR" business as musicians in the last few years is deplorable and unless the hole is plugged the leaking of "This thing of ours" in bars & restaurants will slowly dissappear for sure but thats another story and subject for another time...look to the future and be creative to survive my friends.....Good Luck!!




[This message has been edited by Dnj (edited 01-30-2005).]

You are so right, DNJ. I haven't played in any bars in quite a while. I do the supper club, but the owner will back up whatever I decide to do about guests. If it's someone I know is good, I'll invite them up sometimes. The volunteers usually don't get to sing. However, I do this for a living, and I CAN BE BOUGHT.
Even with a large tip though, I never let anybody take over. The audience will put up with anything for one song. If the guest doesn't want to gracefully get down, I just turn the mic off and tell them it quit.
DonM