SemiLiveMusic: I think your song might benefit from changing it to a 'VERSE - CHORUS' song structure. Right now its basically a series of verses. I keep wanting to hear a CHORUS (after each verse) of which might include the 'hook line': "Don't know Where We're Going", to 'summarize' what you're trying to convey in your verses. Just my opinion of course.



SemiLiveMusic: Stick to your convictions! Don't compromise your beliefs. Can't speak for Texas, but the message of your song would certainly be well received by many here in BLUE State California, especially the SF Bay Area.

- Scott

I have had this dilema myself on more than one occasion.

There are two songs on my website that I wrote and NEVER publicised here at Synthzone and for good reason. (Soldier Boy and Sodom and Gomorrah.)

Usually when I write a song I know exactly what the message is (as far as I am concerned) but try to make the lyric as ambiguous as possible so that as many listeners as possible can take their own 'message' from it. Sometimes this weakens the original concept and sometimes strengthens it.

On the two occasions listed above I have felt strongly about issues and felt I would be compromising myself by 'watering down' what I wanted to say. HOWEVER whilst I felt strongly about the issues concerned (war and homophobia in religion) I realised that not everyone would be of the same opinion as myself.

The only reason I post songs on here is to get feedback and ideas about my work and how to improve my technique. Both the songs above (and yours if I may dare to suggest it Semi) provoke critiques that are about the subject matter as opposed to the song itself. If people hate / disagree with the message they are going to find it difficult to then be constructive with regard to the song.

Personally I did not want the songs above to be judged on the 'message' alone.

I did consider that this may have been 'chickening out' but came to the conclusion that If I posted the songs on my website they were there if people chose to listen and could be ignored otherwise. Interestingly I get more emails about these two songs than the rest put together.

People have a perfect right not to like my work because it is amateur or because I lack talent but I do not want them to prejudge all of my work because they did not like the content of a tiny proportion of it.

I think it brave to offer up 'controversial' work for critique and to be honest if people did not do so we would probably have no 'protest' songs at all. But brave as it is I don't think that having done so you can react with surprise that it is the content rather than the song that provokes comment.

Having said all that I really did like your song, and as stated before I think it is the best song you have posted on your site. (I think I critiqued this song on a previous thread when you posted other work so I won't make my long waffle of a post any longer by doing so again).

For the record I am apolitical and am tired of polititians of all persuasions corrupting the ideals of democracy. While there are people who starve, people who live on the streets and people dying because there is no profit in making them well then none of the politicians OR ANY OF US have a right to be smug about anything.

However I do feel grateful to have been born somewhere that at least gives me the freedom to express my views without fear of harm.....so maybe it is not all bad

Very best wishes to all
Tony




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www.tonywmusic.co.uk

Scott, I have written 300 songs. 99% of them are verse/chorus structure. There are, however, thousands of songs (especially in folk music... and this is kind of folky) with a refrain. My refrain is "Is there any way of knowing exactly where we're going."

As I said, I've been writing on this for two years. I have tried countless versions. A version I had for a long time had two choruses... so I definitely "hear what you're saying." Actually, I called them bridges... whatever you want to call them. They were the part where it says "History shows Viet Nam / There was Watergate and old man Strom" etc. That section would be the chorus. (And a second chorus followed later.)

I decided this song is much more powerful with a refrain... "Is there any way of knowing... exactly where we're going."

So, I hear ya... I did try it the traditional way... but to me, this song is best with a refrain. I dunno... still debating.

As far as my convictions... thanks for your support. I didn't post this for support. I truly have been struggling with the "Does this offend you?" dillemma. If I lived in California (or if I was not so fond of country music), this would not be an issue. I am surrounded by people who think I am the bad guy. I don't say I'm right about Bush. I just know it is extremely heavy on my heart.

I have felt this strongly three times in my life about an individual. In my adult life, 30 years, three times. And as it turns out, three times, I was right. I think he's a fake. I think he is nothing like what my friends think he is. And I wrote a song about it.

Peace and love, that 60s stuff
To all

Tony, we're on the same page. I could write volumes about this.

By the way, yes, I remember when you commented about this song, unsolicited. I was quite proud of that. I am proud of this song and you liked it over others, that made my day. Man, I've worked so hard on this! Which doesn't matter, I know.

I have posted this song before on several forums, seeking input. Reason is, again, I am surrounded by people who disagree with what I feel. So, what's a fella do?

I was brought up in the 60s. The era of dissent. It seems to me, that today, in the deep south, anyway, dissent is the bad guy. And I'll leave you with this...

"Dissent is the highest form of patriotism." - Thomas Jefferson

=



The thing is, my question was pertaining to message alone. The posted song is a very rough demo, guitar/vocal only. It's not about anything other than the message. Does it offend?

And again, the lyric I posted above, that's about as mild as I can make it and have it say anything.

[This message has been edited by SemiLiveMusic (edited 01-20-2005).]

Semi,
Protest away! I mean it .... you SHOULD say exactly what you feel in your heart. THAT's what this country is about, and I'll support your right to say it in song any day, anywhere. Go for it, and see who listens.
No one expects us all to agree.