FAR DOWN SOUTH



Southernness



Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them. _____



Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess." _____



Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder." _____



Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly." _____



Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table. _____



All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well. _____



Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin! _____



Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20. _____



Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. _____



No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn _____



A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb. _____



Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," ... we talk to everybody! _____



Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. _____



In the South, y'all is singular, .... all y'all is plural. _____



Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them. _____



Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food. _____



When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner! _____



Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. _____



And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way. _____



To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart! _____ And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language! _____



And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." ____



Bless your hearts, ... y'all have a blessed day

BEBOP

This is good Bebop!

check this out,
http://rinkworks.com/dialect/

it is called The Dialectizer...you provide a URL or some text and it "dialectizes" it, here's a "Redneck" example.....of the Tyros 2:

Normal text

Product Information
504 Voices, including brand new Super Articulation Technology
400 Accompaniment Styles powered by MegaVoice
Hard Disk Recorder (with optional hard disk drive)
One Touch Setting and Music Finder provide instant professional sounds.
Text Viewer

Bursting with new innovative features the Tyros2 is a true musical powerhouse. Revolutionary Super Articulation Technology delivers the best and most expressive voices we've ever put into a keyboard. 400 dynamic accompaniment styles meticulously recreate every nuance of the world's most popular musical genres. With the brand new Hard Disk Recorder, you can not only record what you play, but also what you sing to an optionally installed hard disk drive. Use the Vocal Harmony effects to further enhance your recording. The Tyros2 is a veritable treasure chest of inspiration for all your musical applications.

Dialectized Version
Produck Info'mashun
504 Voices, includin' bran' noo Super Articulashun Technology
400 Accompaniment Styles powered by MegaVoice
Hard Disk Reco'der (wif opshunal hard disk drive)
One Touch Settin' an' Music Finner provide instant professhunal soun's.
Text Viewer

Bustin' wif noo innovative features th' Tyros2 is a true moosical powerhouse. Revolushunary Super Articulashun Technology delivahs th' bess an' most expressive voices we've evah put into a keyboard, cuss it all t' tarnation. 400 dynamic accompaniment styles meticulously recreate ev'ry nuance of th' wo'ld's most popular moosical junres. Wif th' bran' noo Hard Disk Reco'der, yo' kin not only reco'd whut yo' play, but also whut yo' sin' t'an opshunally installed hard disk drive. Use th' Vocal Harmony effecks t'further inhance yer reco'din'. Th' Tyros2 is a vahitable treasure chess of inspirashun fo' all yer moosical applicashuns.

Always makes me laugh when I try to read it aloud

Hey, "Bubba"...makin fun of us'ns from the south is a good way to git a good "ass wippen"!

By the way, do you know how to spot a person
who is a "gradiate" of the University of Kentucky? Easy: just look for boogers stuck to his class ring!


Good stuff, BeBop!


"southern fried" Russ

"ouch"....low blow!!

btw...What has twenty-four teeth and loves country & western music.....?


..the entire first row at the Grand 'Ol Opry

------------------
...shboom

Russ, I have a couple of Jeff Foxworthy comics, they are a riot.
American by birth, Southern by the Grace of God, right?

Funny thing around here...most of the anti-UK
(University of Kentucky) jokes are told by, guess who, UK faculty and staff members (me included). The most ethnic jokes I hear are told by folks in that ethnic group. It's OK for people associated with UK to tell UK jokes, but they really get pissed if someone else does the same thing.

I was born in Kentucky but traveled with my family when my dad was in the military. When I talk to someone north of here, I get remarks about my southern accent. When I talk to people down south, they accuse me of sounding like a Yankee.

When I am asked whether I play country music, I reply, "sure do...from the country of Brazil".

All the best, "Y'all"

Ky Russ

MY wife Jann graduated from Murray State with a nursing degree, that is now a university I am told. Her brother graduated from there with a masters degree in ...............are you ready for this................FARMING.
I didn't believe it until I saw it on the wall and read it.
Bebop

... it ain't just throwin' seeds down and waiting for harvest ...
t.

Years ago (about 30), I decided to grow walnut trees on a piece of property I aquired. I figured, since walnuts take 20 years to reach the point of harvest, it would be a great addition to retirement. I worked for weeks planting about 300 seedlings, following instructions
carefully provided by the farm bureau.

In the spring, they all were dead. I had tied a piece of colorful yarn on each one to identify it,and over the next 12 months, the seedlings had expanded, but the yarn didn't.

Other than a wild assed attempt once to grow a very famous Ky crop (for medicinal purposes, only), that was is extent of my agricultural endeavors.

"farmer" Russ

This brother in law of mine has become known as what is a contract farmer. He has all the BIG efficient equipment that many of the smaller farmers do not have and he takes his equipment to their farm and does their work for them. He has two tobacco allotments of his own and also does some cash crops like soy beans etc.
He has about 10 different size tractors starting out with a standard size as we have all seen and going up to about three storys tall. This biggest one has tires that are about 10 feet in diameter. I understand the big tractor is over 100,000.00 in cost. I guess Master Farming aint such a bad deal after all
Bebop

Oh, for sure. I work on a couple of agricultural magazines and farming these days almost requires a business degree and a science degree of one kind or another. It wouldn't hurt to be a computer geek either.

[This message has been edited by renig (edited 12-02-2005).]

[This message has been edited by renig (edited 12-02-2005).]

You're right, guys, farming is a big, complicated business. We sold our farm in 2001. It was a beef and corn operation.

When we were closing down, we had to pay capital gains of over $230,000 just on the sale of fully depreciated farm equipment...combines, trucks, tractors, etc.

Of course, I was not a "working partner". An
uncle worked and managed the land. He was born and lived all his life on the property.
We agreed that he could farm as long as he wanted to. His wife died and he was approaching 80 years old. It was his choice to sell, but it was really hard to let a piece of family history disappear.

Russ