My wife's grandfather was buried naked.... so her uncle could wear a suit to the funeral

Henny Youngman lives.



chas

So these two ladies walk into a mortician's office.
The first woman says to the mortician, "I've got my husband here in his very best blue suit, but what I'd really appreciate is if you could have him in a black suit for the funeral. Here's a blank check, use whatever you need, I just want him in a black suit."

The mortician agrees and thanks the woman and the first woman leaves. Now the second woman comes in and says, "I know I've brought my husband wearing a black suit, but I've always really loved him in blue. Is there any way you can have him in a blue suit for his funeral?"

The mortician assures her that it's not a problem and the second woman thanks her and leaves. A few days later the mortician shows up at the first man's funeral and his widow walks up and says, "Thank you so much for doing this. My husband looks wonderful in the black suit you found him."

The mortician replies, "Of course, I was happy to do it. And here's your check back."

"No, I really appreciate it and I want to pay you, just take whatever you need."

"Oh no really, it didn't cost me anything. You see, right after you came in a woman showed up with her husband in a black suit and she wanted him wearing blue. So in the end all I had to do was switch the heads."

... so, there's these two dyslexic, agnostic, philosophers who sit around all day contemplating whether or not there is a dog.

It takes a second---

Or TWO !!!

Woman comes into taxidermist's office with her twin monkeys. Taxidermist says, "So sorry for your lost, so I guess you want them mounted?". Woman tearfully replies, " No, just shaking hands is okay".

chas

so true...

Woah, that was funny!

A few years ago we had a blizzard, and I was coming out of a gig in Chicago. There were cars everywhere stuck in the snow. This guy in a business suit asked me for a push. I said sure. He said no one else would help him. He then lead me to the playground swings, and I pushed him for a half an hour.

Shy young cadet at the Military Academy did fine until he tried to switch majors.

(That one got me a check from Playboy a few years back).

R.

Larry funny thing he is from Chicago also...lol

And tickets for his March show at Mohegan Sun 2020 show in Connecticut are $1615.00 for close up floor seats to $178.00 for 'nosebleed' section ...

Tony worth every penny he use to open for Andrew Dice Clay also,...saw him last year here,......
he will be at Borgata Hotel casino in Atlantic city soon also.......
see the show then Steak dinner at Wolf Gang Pucks restaurant .....then some craps oh yeah!!

3 card poker for me ...

But I can see him on Showtime or HBO for a lot less, and enjoy TWO dinners at Wolfgang's ...

I was in a pet shop last week and asked the young lady behind the counter if she'd had a cockatoo in lately. That's how I got this black eye.

My wife found a pair of panties in my car the other day. I told here they were from my Christmas gig the other night. They were Carol's.

Jerryghr

My wife has gotten to where she likes to have sex in the back seat of the car.
But she wants me to drive.
My wife likes to talk to me when she has sex. Called me last night from a motel room.

I was the loneliest man at the topless beach that summer. My friend, the adonis lifeguard, told me that my luck would change if I wore a tight swimsuit and slipped a potato inside. However, the next day, all I got from the ladies was looks of disgust and disdain. I asked my friend what I was doing wrong. He said, "You idiot! The potato is supposed to go in front!"

Should we call you Rodney Mason or Don Dangerfield. I think I heard him tell those but they are still as funny now as they were then.

Rodney Mason is my son! But I stole these years ago from Rodney D.

What a coincidence your son’s name is Rodney.

I named him after "Hot Rod Hundley", a basketball player, because I thought the nickname would be good when my son became a basketball player. Turns out "my" Rodney did become a basketball player and played at Creighton University and then in the pros, mostly in Europe for nearly 15 years. Here's the original Hot Rod:
Rod Hundely
Here's Rod Mason: Rod Mason

Wow! I lived in Spain. You must be really proud of your son.
My parents thought I would be an Olympic swimmer as I resembled a grouper when I was born.

Very proud, he now coaches two of my grandsons, ages 13 and 9, in addition to his work in the medical field.
He also has a PLUS 1 handicap in golf. Most important, he is a good person.

The Joke that never Fails to make you Laugh!!

...if you're SIX!

nope sorry Dave works with all ages it's timeless ....
don't believe me?
try it at your next gig and watch the laughter


I\ll bet your laughing now too

I sure hope your keyboard come in soon.