Here's a silly traditional country style song I did on the Audya. Too much reverb on vocal but it's decent.

Let me know if you like this song. Or hate it. Really, I do need to know if people like it. As a songwriter, I simply HAVE to get honest feedback.

Song was written about my neighbor, Billy, who did survive and is none the worse for wear but it was very dangerous surgery. I entitled this thread "Joe Lee's Got An Aneurism" because our musician friend, Joe Lee Richards, who plays mean guitar and also has a Ketron Midjay, also had an aneurism. He lived, too, haha, so, maybe I should record a version for him. He'd hopefully get a kick out of it.

I would like to know if you find this humorous. A professional critic told me it's only mildly humorous and heck, I think it's rather funny. But, I'm jaded, as I wrote it. Again, I need honest feedback.
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8648166

EDIT: This is a 128kbps mp3... the original wav was not this bad, vocally.

BILLY'S GOT AN ANEURISM
(copr)2007 Bill Pittman

Billy's got an aneurism, it's internal terrorism
Let's hope he's had baptism, everybody pray
Wife and daughter scared to death, sorry, Billy, I said death
You just breathe a lot of breaths, it's gon' be okay

[CHORUS:]
Pray, brother, pray
Pray, sister, pray
We'll keep that Reaper at bay
Pray, pray, pray

Ain't no need for pessimism, they gon' get the aneurism
You should think futurism, come on Billy, try
But word is there's a little catch if you let this make you a wreck
Limber up and start to stretch and kiss your butt Goodbye

[ CHORUS - REPEAT ]

Yeah, life is full of ups and downs, sorry, Billy, I said down
Come on, man, wipe that frown, negative won't do
Listen Billy, this is key, if you wake up, try to pee
If bed is wet, glory be, you have made it through

[ CHORUS - REPEAT ]
You'll see another day
Pray, pray, pray

[This message has been edited by SemiLiveMusic (edited 01-20-2010).]

I like it, but I have a perverted sense of humor, as you know.
Vocals a little hot, seem to be trying to distort.
DonM

What do you think non-perverted people will think? Do you think they would find it humorous?

How would I know? Ask Ian, no Diki, no Chas, no Russ, no . . . there may not be any normal people here.

DonM

Bill I have to give you credit for being able to spell the title correctly..

I found it in extremely poor taste, disgusting in its' sentiment, and found it to be offensive in every form...

So, consequently, I LOVED it!

No, haha, apparently, you can't spell any better than I can. It should have a "y" at the end, not an "i."

aneurysm

Rats!

Oh, you mean I spelled "Audya" correctly? Okay.

[This message has been edited by SemiLiveMusic (edited 01-20-2010).]

Great song and performance Bill. I really enjoyed that and could identify having had a ruptured brain aneurysm myself back in 2000 .... and am only just a little crazy now because of it

Nigel,

I got told off on SZ for using the Lords Name in vein, in the UK we do it a lot, it’s not intended to offend. My wife cousin had a brain aneurysm just after Christmas, I don’t think he would appreciate me singing that song to him, from the state of him I am not certain he would remember me singing it to in one minute after did since is short term memory has gone with the work they did on his brain or the aneurysm. You are lucky Nigel there is one or two things I would like to forget about right now, but I won’t highjack this thread, Doh did I do it covertly. Nigel I hope you keep well, eat the right food, BP under control and don’t smoke.

Doctor Hughes

My wife said dear oh dear and laughed.

Just a song for a nursing home.

After you release it can I sing it.

Just one observation the second last line of the second verse does not rhyme

Would"But word is there's a little catch if you find you cannot scatch".

Hope you don't mind the sugestion.

Cousin Ken

Hello, Ken. It's a near rhyme. In Broadway type tunes, they are quite strict, opting for perfect rhymes. In country music, especially, near rhymes are not only okay but actually encouraged.

The main thing for me about this particular phrase is that it is a very key line in the entire song. I don't want someone saying it is making fun of a dire situation. The song is intended to bring humor. The intent is to observe... don't let worry paralyze you because all it will do is make it worse... smile, pray, it's gonna be okay.

Also, it is not meant to be strictly about an aneurysm. My hope was that someone facing any serious health issue could get a smile out of it. Because humor is healthy. In fact, when I first was toying with the arrangement, I was very close to settling on a very up-tempo gospel type arrangement. Which I might still go to. A hand-clapping gospel thing. I could envision nurses in a hospital station playing this song and having a good time with it, even playing it for patients. That's the hope.

Now, reason I post is because I truly want to know how this affects people. If it offends a lot of people, I will have to consider trashing it.

Thanks Ken, I will play around with it a bit. A more perfect rhyme might be better.

[This message has been edited by SemiLiveMusic (edited 01-21-2010).]

Tony, I agree that your relative might not find it funny. But we could also infer that the song is just not going to please everyone. Does that make it unworthy? (That is the question and I don't know the answer yet.)

But we could say this about many themes. There are lots of songs with murder as the theme. Especially country music and bluegrass music. They kill people off like crazy. A widow of a man who was murdered probably would not care for a song about murder. Does that make the song unworthy?

I would bet that if I thought long enough I could even come up several humorous songs about murder. Does that make the subject taboo?

Johnny Cash's "Folsom Prison" is not a funny song but it is kind of uplifting due to the uptempo feel good nature of the song. And he sings "I shot a man in Reno just to watch him die." Now, that is a heavy duty line if I've ever heard one. Yet, for many, it is a key line in the song. The prisoners at Folsom Prison got off on that line in the live recording. You can hear them cheering upon his singing that line. I doubt a murder victim's widow would care for that. And it's one of the biggest songs in country music history.

Ah, the plight of a songwriter.

I found it quite good and amusing.

Great job all 'round, Bill. I've always enjoyed your vocals but this one seems even better. Cute song. To my way of thinking, it needed to sound a little more country with the backing... but that may just be the pitiful speakers on my laptop. Enjoyed.

Dave Rice

Bill ... it is a weirdly 'positive' song, showing hope for the future ... nice hook in the chorus ...
Having gotten to know you a little bit, I think this fits your sense of humor ...
And having listened to a lot of country the past year or so (Lydia has become a BIG fan), I agree with your assessment of the 'rhyme' thing ...
t.
PS ... I played it for Lydia, and she thought it had a 'positive' message also ...
She really enjoyed your singing as well ... but then she has to listen to ME most of the time ...
t.

[This message has been edited by tony mads usa (edited 01-21-2010).]

SemiLiveMusic,

Cheers, I don't have a problem with it.

Thanks

Tony

BTW the story about our relation was true, I didn't make it up, we went to see him Sunday and as he was lay in bed I questioned him on things that had happened 40 year back and could recall everything, but when we came to leave the hospital, he said come on lets all go home now and two mintues later we left him and had forgot. His short memory is gone completley.

These head bleeds are like finderprints two poeple are never damaged the same.