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#255390 - 01/31/09 09:21 PM Another original song done using PSR-S900
Beakybird Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/27/01
Posts: 2227
Here is a country song I wrote and just recorded with the help of my PSR-S900. I used the style ModCntryBld2. I added my voice, acoustic guitar, and a few electric licks. I pretty much used the arranger style intact. I just turned some voices down and moved a couple of bass notes around.
www.myspace.com/larrylevin

The song is called, I'm Worthy of Your Love.

I originally wrote the song on my acoustic about 12 years ago.

What do you think?

Beakybird

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#255391 - 01/31/09 11:00 PM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Bill in Dayton Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 08/23/04
Posts: 2202
Loc: Dayton, OH USA
Larry-

I'll try and be more detailed than I was last time...



I liked this one the least of everything I've heard from you...

It doesn't seem to have anything approaching a "hook". The melody is weak and the chorus (?) where you sing the "whoa's" IMO, doesn't work...

Find a lyric for that section might help...

The other tunes were easy to listen to, this one, I kind of had to make myself listen to the whole thing.

Another suggestion is that you seem "fill happy." (It happens to alot of us) where we trigger a fill key too often. Mostly, they should be used to link phrases or sections of a verse, for example.

There's no hard and fast rule, but I find less is more in most cases as far as fills are concerned.

Q: Are you looking for comments on your lyrics also or just the musical end of things?

Cheers-

------------------
Bill in Dayton

[This message has been edited by Bill in Dayton (edited 01-31-2009).]
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Bill in Dayton

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#255392 - 02/01/09 02:21 AM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Beakybird Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/27/01
Posts: 2227
Thanks for listening Bill.

I will be frustrated if others have the same reaction, because I spent a lot of hours on it, partly because I'm a crappy lead guitarist (I just started playing again after 9 years). I have had people very moved when I played the song just me and the guitar.

I could see what you're saying about the fills. Maybe the whoas worked better on the acoustic act.

I thought the hook was pretty straightforward:

And I'm lonely
Come and hold me
I'm worthy of your love

If others think it's a crappy song, I guess it's back to the old drawing board.

Beakybird

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#255393 - 02/01/09 02:44 AM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Dnj Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703
Wheres the link to the song?

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#255394 - 02/01/09 03:50 AM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Beakybird Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/27/01
Posts: 2227

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#255395 - 02/01/09 06:56 AM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Dnj Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703
Im not joining my space just to hear songs....isnt there a link?

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#255396 - 02/01/09 07:02 AM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Beakybird Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/27/01
Posts: 2227
I'm sorry, I loaded it onto www.trackspin.com under my name, Larry Levin.

I didn't know that you had to join myspace to listen to the songs.

Beakybird

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#255397 - 02/01/09 07:25 AM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Dnj Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703
Quote:
Originally posted by Beakybird:
I'm sorry, I loaded it onto www.trackspin.com under my name, Larry Levin.

I didn't know that you had to join myspace to listen to the songs. It only shows 3 songs

Beakybird


OK so how do you hear the song I went there its not listed?



[This message has been edited by Dnj (edited 02-01-2009).]

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#255398 - 02/01/09 07:39 AM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Beakybird Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/27/01
Posts: 2227
Thanks for your patience Donny. It is listed now.

Beakybird

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#255399 - 02/01/09 10:11 AM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Diki Offline


Registered: 04/25/05
Posts: 14208
Loc: NW Florida
OK... here goes...

This one at least could work in today's market, not too Beatlesque or recognizably someone else's style...

Yes, WAY too fill happy. Record as a MIDI file and edit them to be different, paste in just some simple pickups instead of full fills if you want just a little lift (but better might be a pickup fill from the guitar or bass) in the middle of a verse or chorus.

The guitar part was too low in the mix (at times). It helps detract from the arranger nature of it, Bring it up.

My advice on the song would be to transpose up a step at about the halfway point. It needs a lift, and the song doesn't really provide it all by itself. Last verse and chorus might work better with a whole tone step up. It works on many songs. Give it a try...

Finally, I'm sorry to say it, but yes, even though it's a demo, you REALLY need to be a bit more picky about the vocal track. Pitch problems (which maybe ARE fixable with Autotune) but more especially, breathing and tone issues. You REALLY need to breathe better, and support that voice. Perhaps a couple of lessons with a good vocal coach might pay big dividends. And maybe some help with a good compressor to help even things out a bit. What are you currently using as a mike chain?

But, as another unrelated point (to this song, at least), one thing kind of worries me. You say you wrote this years ago. As were both the good ones from the previous batch. Trouble is, as a 'pro' songwriter, you are going to have to write LOTS of songs all the time. I know quite a few pro songwriters, staff writers for major labels, etc., and one thing they all are is prolific! They often write several songs a DAY

Out of several songs a day, maybe they would write one good one a week, and MAYBE one song a month would get picked up and retained. And maybe one or two songs a year would be a hit.

But they HAVE to write several a day to give them that shot at the hits. If you are still mining your back catalog, you might give a thought to what you will do when it runs out. Can you produce on that kind of scale? They don't have to be great songs. Often a great song comes out of something else you think doesn't stand a chance. But the more you throw at the wall, the more likely ONE is going to stick.

Just a thought...
_________________________
An arranger is just a tool. What matters is what you build with it..!

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#255400 - 02/01/09 10:19 AM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Dnj Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703
Agreeing with Dikis assesment no need to repeat....Larry no disrespect but as you say you play 500 gigs a year.....hasn't anyone ever said anything about the pitch problems on your vocals on gigs or as shown in these demos? Maybe a vocal coach would be of some help.

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#255401 - 02/01/09 02:13 PM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Bill in Dayton Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 08/23/04
Posts: 2202
Loc: Dayton, OH USA
Larry-

Congrats on a nice website, and an obviously successful reputation in the Chicago area. As a similar performer in the Dayton/Cincy/Cbus area, we share a lot of similarities.

I just went and listened to all your vocal demos. You have a nice voice...very pleasant. I've noticed two things that relate to issues the other guys have already raised.

1) To be clear, with out trying to be harsh, I think you're fearful of higher notes. In all your vocal demos, I couldn't find one instance where you nailed a nice strong high note and just let it hang out. You kind of "excuse me" sing them in my opinion.

...Two ways to handle this. Either transpose a tune down a tad and then sing the higher notes with more confidence like other notes OR refine your vocal technique and don't drop the keys...

Another thing I noticed was you seem to have one basic vocal style, regardless of the song style.

I was trying to figure out why I liked your My space stuff better than these demos and it has all to do with your singing. In the stuff you write, you tend to write vocal lines in your lower and mid registers, which jives with what I heard on your website demos.

I know you didn't ask for a critique of your website demos, and since you're doing 500 shows a year, you can tell me to go take a hike.

If you can go back and listen to your demo recordings with just the vocal...pretty sure you'll hear the discrepancies we do...

Regardless, you're obviously kicking ass in Chitown...good job...

Go Hawks!

Cheers...

------------------
Bill in Dayton
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Bill in Dayton

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#255402 - 02/01/09 03:32 PM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
tony mads usa Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/16/02
Posts: 14376
Loc: East Greenwich RI USA
Quote:
Originally posted by Dnj:
Im not joining my space just to hear songs....isnt there a link?



Donny ... ??? ...I just clicked on the link in Larry's post and got right to the tunes ... I'm not a member either...
t.
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t. cool

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#255403 - 02/01/09 04:46 PM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Beakybird Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/27/01
Posts: 2227
Learning better vocal technique is high on my agenda - after I pay for all of the recording equipment I just purchased.

I actually get a lot of compliments on my voice - not every show. I have never had anyone complain to me about my voice during a show. I have had other complaints from seniors. They complain a lot. Like they've asked me to take a bath once in a while. I tell them to go to hell. I'm joking.

Has anyone ever heard of Brett Manning "Singing Success"? Do you think it's a rip-off. Google it. He guarantees an octave of improved range. Sounds like bullshit.

I will take out the fills on the song, turn up the guitar, bring it up an interval, do guitar fills instead of whoa whoa whoa. Maybe it will be a decent song then. I think it's a good simple song.

I checked out Harmony Central songwriter forum. I got more consistent positive feedback from them, but the few songwriters I heard were decidedly amateurish.

Beakybird

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#255404 - 02/02/09 06:08 AM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
Dnj Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 43703
Quote:
Originally posted by tony mads usa:
Donny ... ??? ...I just clicked on the link in Larry's post and got right to the tunes ... I'm not a member either...
t.


Not me T I need to click a few links trackspin to get to hear the songs....not many reviews posted for some reason so I wonder if others are having the same problems also?



[This message has been edited by Dnj (edited 02-02-2009).]

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#255405 - 02/02/09 07:06 PM Re: Another original song done using PSR-S900
DonM Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 06/25/99
Posts: 16735
Loc: Benton, LA, USA
I went to listen to this song fully expecting something really terrible after reading the comments.
I thought it was rather nice. I can hear the things some of the others mentioned, but they aren't that bad. If the song is done for a songwriting demo, it works for me.
However, constructive criticism is what makes us better, and they had some valid points.
I constantly have to remind myself to "Sing with confidence".
Keep on writin' and singin'!
DonM
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DonM

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