Ok folks here it is. Again be as HONEST as possible with the comments. If the song sucks just say so

Now this is my FIRST attempt at anything related to country style vocalizations. Again there is much work needed on the piece. It's just a straight shot of all the versus as I'm still writing the chorus.

Should I continue or don't quit my day job????? Also keep in mind my voice is really for R&B, and Hip Hop. This was very hard for me to do since I had to change my voice A LOT. You may have to adjust the EQ's on your media players.

Here's the link.
http://s40.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1A5KSUUHBFZGR0146U7WSRC5QA


Squeak

[This message has been edited by squeak_D (edited 12-16-2005).]

[This message has been edited by squeak_D (edited 12-16-2005).]

your voice would sound great in a SOFT COUNTRY - this song is very nice...

Keep in mind - drums, guitars, A song like ( If Nobody Believed In You- Joe Nichols )....THAT WOULD WORK PERFECTLY ...TRUST ME ! ..try that please..

it sounded ok to me,not heard it before,but i would like to hear you sing some more of the popular songs.Mike

nardoni,2002,
It's not a published song. It's an original by me. I started writing it around 10am this morning. Keep in mind this is my FIRST attempt at this style.

Claudiu,
When I finish it it will consist of acoustic guitar, vocals, brush drum kit, and acoustic bass. I want it to have a live acoustic feel to it.

Squeak

You definitely have that "tear" in your throat. Go for it!
DonM

That's what I was going for Don. I wanted it to be a tear jerker What does everyone think of the harmony? I didn't use any vocalizers, just sang the parts myself.

Squeak

Hi Squeak,

My honest opinion:

I like your voice, but the song....well...to be honest, the song sucks.
Sorry, but even Country Music has a little diversion in the flow of a song, but this was like a broken record...it just kept repeating the same verse with different words..over, and over. Way too repetious, which could be boring to the listener.

Now your voice has a lot of poetential for Country Music. It's a voice that reminds me of "Old Country" I would like to hear a recording by you of a well known Country Song. Maybe something by Waylon Jennings, as your voice is similiar. And that is a compliment.

I hope I didn't offend you, but you asked for honesty, and again my first impression was "Nice Voice on a Bad Song".

Thanks for having the courage to try something new, and then have the broad shoulders needed to accept critism. I admire that.

I look forward to more songs from you.

Larry

lahawk,
Not offended at all my friend. I'm not a country singer so I went blindly into this one The song is repetitious at the moment. That's only because I haven't finished the chorus yet.

I recorded all the mains vers. in a straight shot because I'm still working on the chorus section itself and have yet to add it to the final recording.

I'm always willing to try something new. I actually was hoping for that older country feel, and not the (modern) country of today.

Squeak

[This message has been edited by squeak_D (edited 12-16-2005).]

Nice voice, almost a Travis Trit sound. I liked the harmonies as well. As was so tactfully put above me, the song needs much work, which you also acknowledge in the initial post. Some ideas:
I think each 4th line needs a different melody. What if you start that 4th line while you're on the C chord and end it by the time you hit G. (Capo 1st fret?) So that the 3rd and 4th lines almost become a single thought, rather than waiting until you hit the G chord and then start singing as you do on the previous 3 lines.
Also, I'm not entirely sure of the point of the song; a girl has a child at a very young age, then you describe the rest of her life, and finally she marries a colored man? Then what? Unless I missed the gist, (hey, there's another rhyme). People still getting used to not being segregated? The song just sort of trails off to me. I listened to it just once so I definitely might have missed something.

You have a lot of verses here. What if you took a couple of those lines and made it a bridge. I know you're still working on a chorus, and a bridge might help, especially since you seem to have enough lyrics and it might make more sonic interest rather than verse upon verse.
Anyway, there's some rough sketched thoughts for you to chew on.
Best,
Rory

Squeak, I tend to agree with Larry Hawk about the song being repetitious however, your voice has good potential in the country market...choosing the right song for yourself is the key here.....I heard a country song by Rodney Carrington I believe, and it has been running through my head all day...called Mama's got her boobs out, it's
a funny song, but the music has me tappin and hummin...I was gonna post the song but it has a nude video with it...anyway, Off track here, you got the voice find the right songs....just my opinion...
TR

Is that really your voice? Your voice doesn't match your looks.
Sounds country to me.
Would like to hear you singing R&B and Hip Hop music.
Star

Starkeeper, it's far from my usual singing voice it wasn't easy for me to sing that.

Keep the comments coming. All I want to add is when the song tends to sound (repititious) to you keep in mind (it's not finished), and the chorus/bridge/refrain, hasn't been added yet (still in the works)

Squeak

Definitely repetitious, but nice country voice and good harmony. I agree with Rory, there's a Travis Tritt sound in your voice... would like to hear you do one of his songs. Go country, squeak, youre off to a good start.

Glenn

Squeak,

The song's lyrics are just fine, but the song itself is very repetitious, almost to the point of being boring.

Now, onto the voice, which I assume was the main point of the post. Your voice quality is excellent. It is soft, has outstanding, soft tones, and is well suited to any form of music. However, I would not waste this wonderful talent on hip-hop. You have a lot of vocal potential, your diction is crisp and clean, and you seem to be right on the money staying on key.

As for quitting the day job--NAH! Stick with your schooling, when it's all over, get a great paying job and enjoy music as a sideline. Keep in mind I have been in this business for a long time, and it pays just about the same now as it did when I was a snot-nosed kid of 21 strumming a guitar in a hillbilly bar and singing my heart out. We're both too old for American Idol!

Good Luck,

Gary

------------------
Travlin' Easy

the lyrics kept me listening and I was sorta "seeing a video" in my mind as I listened. I didn't think it was boring just thought it was gonna go to the "hook" when it stopped.

diction could be clearer in a few spots but maybe my ears are just getting old ; )

Hmmmm . . . the first thing I did when I saw your post was to check out your profile. Why? Well, for my money, country singers have to have that Tex/Tenn/Southern sound going for them. And the only way I think you can get that properly is the natural way (yeah, I know there are those who bang out hits and were born a long way from Nashville). So looking at your profile, I see you're in West Va. Well, hell, that's close enough for me. You got da voice for Country, my man!

Now, the song itself. A lot of people here are saying it's repetitious, etc. Well, come on guys, the man only got on it this morning and as he says - it's a work in progress.

Squeak, I've no doubt that when you've got a complete song with verses, hooks and a bridge, and the full instrumentation happening, you're going to have a very good end product. You're definitely heading in the right direction. Good luck.

[This message has been edited by renig (edited 12-16-2005).]

I'll echo many of the replies already given. You have a very good voice and it works really well for this type of song. Just spice the actual song up a bit, and I think you have a winner.

AJ

Hi,
Well, Squeak, you asked for honesty and here is my opinion:
I wonder why you offer an unfinished song. You are afraid that it might not worth working it to the end or what? The song sounds very good so far.
As a composer in my free time, I have my own imagination how the chorus sounds. Do you mind if I try to compose my own version of the chorus? I promise I won't post the result anywhere - the song is yours after all.
Regards,
George

The song was an off and on piece for me throughout the morning. I'm also an at home dad so there were "frequent" breaks in the writing process to chase down my 3 year old I wasn't sure how I wanted to bridge to be, so I just focused on the verses for the time being.

I posted because I'm not a country singer and wanted others opinions before I continue with the song and finish it. You know how it is..., we write a song and think WOW! how great that sounds (to our ears), but to others they may say "what the hell were you thinking man?".

You're more than welcome to work with it as is anyone here on the forum.

Squeak

[This message has been edited by squeak_D (edited 12-17-2005).]

Sqeak
I couldn't believe the tearful quality of your voice. Truly suited to a country lament. Although you could handle any ballad,you sure have a flair for country.

Go for it.
Bernie

Your voice sounds fine for country. I did not care for the harmony. I think it's distracting. Country songs typically do not have high/low harmony voices like that. If you're trying to "sound" country, maybe just one harmony. And maybe not in those places in the verse. Put it in the chorus.

------------------
Bill
Yamaha PSR2000

Very fine voice, nice tune but it misses a climax at the end,

Regards,
Arno.

Hi Squeak,
I agree with you. I even feel that my reaction was a bit hasty as I often call my dad to listen to my pre-finished compositions (However, I always finish them regardless of his opinion). Here at the Forum there is much larger auditorium and you can collect more opinions.
Best regards,
George

[This message has been edited by George V (edited 12-17-2005).]

Hi Squeak

I listened. DonM described what I felt about your voice better than I would have, and I liked your tasteful harmony. The song has a good theme, and the story line is a good start.

Clif

Why are you pussyfooting my friend?
Your voice has a certain individual quality and the only way to go is to FINISH the song before you ask for criticism.
My constant thought is "time is short"
(didn't realise I was a poet!)
Go for it and you may even boost your own confidence in your talent.
cheers



------------------
Eddie from Rotherham
Skype:eddiefromrotherham
www.yamahakeyboards.info

Squeak,

That unique voice quality reminds me of David Clayton Thomas (Blood Sweat and Tears). Could some blues be in your future? Give me your rendition of "God Bless the Child" or "Lucretia Mac Evil" I would love to hear your voice in that genere of music. Boy, those songs go way back!

Great job keep up the good work!

-Linda

One song does not make a singer ....
I would suggest you keep practicing because we all learn from repetition, pitch, timing, tempo, are crucial to a singer no matter what genre is exibited.......your voice is just another instrument that has to be honed to perfection & without that you cannot convey your message thru your soul to the audience....you'll know when its right & the audience will definitly let you know when its wrong Good Luck & thanx for sharing your project, hope to hear it when finished.

Hello Squeak,
Just listened to the song try out.
It sure sounds country to me and I do like your singin' as it is on pitch..

Like eddie said "finish the song" and let us enjoy.

One comment:
Since you want to keep the song as acoustic possible I would record without the delay/reverb. Sounds to hollow/bathroom like.
Your voice is good enough to do that.

You can allways add a bit echo later with software and keep the delay/echo in the back , not in the front of the soundspectrum.
(sorry , don't know how to describe this exactly in english.)
Voice first , delay/echo later.
It now sounds a bit as delay first and the voice follows.!

Look forward to hear the song when it's ready.

Fred

[QUOTE]Originally posted by squeak_D:
[B] ... Now this is my FIRST attempt at anything related to country style vocalizations...

- - - > Should I continue or don't quit my day job????? ... Squeak

Squeak:
The voice is pleasing. It has definite potentials.
You had said you were an at-home dad…Keep that day job. Its more rewarding.

Donny:
If the singer wants fame and followers, there’s probably room for another 1-song-wonder or two
One song might be all it takes. Remember Dr. Elmo (Elmo Shropshire) who made the song
“Grandma got run over by a reindeer” famous. That success is still thriving.
The stats on Elmo and the song are here:
http://www.drelmo.com/about.html

I think I'd rather have Dr Elmo’s overnight success. That would ‘buy’ be time to master my singing …
In the shower.


Squeak:
Keep the effort going. Maybe your beautiful little daughter will start up too.

lol

Squeak,
Well you have kept that voice hidden away for a looooong time!! Who knew you could sing like that!!

I think you have an excellent voice and you should record (and post) much more stuff.

I liked the lyric of your song very much (very dark and thought provoking in places) but do agree with others who have already posted that the repetitive melody and structure detracts greatly from the wonderful vocal and lyrical qualities.

Almost as if the first two lines of a verse are repeated over and over. Maybe a suggestion would be to follow this structure for say the first 8 bars and then break out into a different structure whilst returning to use the original 8 bars as a recurring theme throughout the song? (Just a suggestion....no offence meant at all.)

Unlike others I really liked the harmony. I thought it gave the song some texture and I would build on that.
KEEP IT UP!!!!
best wishes
Tony

[This message has been edited by Tony W (edited 12-18-2005).]