Ok folks here it is. Again be as HONEST as possible with the comments. If the song sucks just say so

Now this is my FIRST attempt at anything related to country style vocalizations. Again there is much work needed on the piece. It's just a straight shot of all the versus as I'm still writing the chorus.

Should I continue or don't quit my day job????? Also keep in mind my voice is really for R&B, and Hip Hop. This was very hard for me to do since I had to change my voice A LOT. You may have to adjust the EQ's on your media players.

Here's the link.
http://s40.yousendit.com/d.aspx?id=1A5KSUUHBFZGR0146U7WSRC5QA


Squeak

[This message has been edited by squeak_D (edited 12-16-2005).]

[This message has been edited by squeak_D (edited 12-16-2005).]

your voice would sound great in a SOFT COUNTRY - this song is very nice...

Keep in mind - drums, guitars, A song like ( If Nobody Believed In You- Joe Nichols )....THAT WOULD WORK PERFECTLY ...TRUST ME ! ..try that please..

it sounded ok to me,not heard it before,but i would like to hear you sing some more of the popular songs.Mike

nardoni,2002,
It's not a published song. It's an original by me. I started writing it around 10am this morning. Keep in mind this is my FIRST attempt at this style.

Claudiu,
When I finish it it will consist of acoustic guitar, vocals, brush drum kit, and acoustic bass. I want it to have a live acoustic feel to it.

Squeak

You definitely have that "tear" in your throat. Go for it!
DonM

That's what I was going for Don. I wanted it to be a tear jerker What does everyone think of the harmony? I didn't use any vocalizers, just sang the parts myself.

Squeak

Hi Squeak,

My honest opinion:

I like your voice, but the song....well...to be honest, the song sucks.
Sorry, but even Country Music has a little diversion in the flow of a song, but this was like a broken record...it just kept repeating the same verse with different words..over, and over. Way too repetious, which could be boring to the listener.

Now your voice has a lot of poetential for Country Music. It's a voice that reminds me of "Old Country" I would like to hear a recording by you of a well known Country Song. Maybe something by Waylon Jennings, as your voice is similiar. And that is a compliment.

I hope I didn't offend you, but you asked for honesty, and again my first impression was "Nice Voice on a Bad Song".

Thanks for having the courage to try something new, and then have the broad shoulders needed to accept critism. I admire that.

I look forward to more songs from you.

Larry

lahawk,
Not offended at all my friend. I'm not a country singer so I went blindly into this one The song is repetitious at the moment. That's only because I haven't finished the chorus yet.

I recorded all the mains vers. in a straight shot because I'm still working on the chorus section itself and have yet to add it to the final recording.

I'm always willing to try something new. I actually was hoping for that older country feel, and not the (modern) country of today.

Squeak

[This message has been edited by squeak_D (edited 12-16-2005).]

Nice voice, almost a Travis Trit sound. I liked the harmonies as well. As was so tactfully put above me, the song needs much work, which you also acknowledge in the initial post. Some ideas:
I think each 4th line needs a different melody. What if you start that 4th line while you're on the C chord and end it by the time you hit G. (Capo 1st fret?) So that the 3rd and 4th lines almost become a single thought, rather than waiting until you hit the G chord and then start singing as you do on the previous 3 lines.
Also, I'm not entirely sure of the point of the song; a girl has a child at a very young age, then you describe the rest of her life, and finally she marries a colored man? Then what? Unless I missed the gist, (hey, there's another rhyme). People still getting used to not being segregated? The song just sort of trails off to me. I listened to it just once so I definitely might have missed something.

You have a lot of verses here. What if you took a couple of those lines and made it a bridge. I know you're still working on a chorus, and a bridge might help, especially since you seem to have enough lyrics and it might make more sonic interest rather than verse upon verse.
Anyway, there's some rough sketched thoughts for you to chew on.
Best,
Rory

Squeak, I tend to agree with Larry Hawk about the song being repetitious however, your voice has good potential in the country market...choosing the right song for yourself is the key here.....I heard a country song by Rodney Carrington I believe, and it has been running through my head all day...called Mama's got her boobs out, it's
a funny song, but the music has me tappin and hummin...I was gonna post the song but it has a nude video with it...anyway, Off track here, you got the voice find the right songs....just my opinion...
TR