Thank all of your for your support.

Glenn, I'm not offended by your post, but AJ's response is right on. As Scott knows, I think about my kids almost all the time. The interpersonal situation is very complex, involving a long history and other people. As Linda points out, a few bumps in the road are not the end of the journey. Replacing damaged property is relatively cut-and-dried, so I am going ahead with that. This is a keyboard forum, after all.

The message I have to my daughter is: "Hurting someone who loves you is easy, but not wise."

Yea, but I was a bit hasty. You have a multi-faceted problem and you emphasized the keyboard aspect to this forum, which is appropriate. I'm sure you'll give priority to all that's involved with the situation... and I sincerely wish you the best on all counts.

Glenn

Clif, you got my full support buddy ! - Scott

Thank you to Scott Yee who called to give his support.

Last Friday (10/21) I won the bid on a General Music S3 Turbo, which has polyphonic aftertouch. I paid immediately using PayPal. I emailed the seller to acknowledge receipt of funds and let me know about shipping. He did not respond. I hope he doesn't try to keep both my money and the keyboard. Any suggestions if he doesn't ship. How long should I wait before I do something and what should I do?

Regarding my errant daughter, she called me to drive her to a classmate's house to work on a school project. I drove her and for once, she didn't change the radio station from my favorite to hers. I gave her permission to stay overnight and go to school with her classmate. She emailed me to inform me that she scored an 800 on the Math SAT II. Not only did she do well, but she wanted me to know about it. So it's not all bad.

Another daughter brought home a corn snake from school for the long weekend and it escaped. Any advice on finding a 3-foot corn snake would be appreciated. This daughter will be reluctant to return to school until it is found. She's out today and I am skipping work to help her look for the snake.

Clif, you are multi talented, a musician and a snake tamer!!

Joking aside, I would say that my opinion on the keyboard side of things, is this: Since she probably has a sort of income (allowance, coming from you maybe?) you should buy this new controller taking a percentage from her allowance. Explain her that we are all responsible for our actions and we have to pay for things we buy or intentionally destroy. Maybe that will teach her to discuss the reason behind certain decisions, instead of using brute force to take out their frustrations, or again, maybe not.

If of course she thinks that she had the right to do that, since you didn't answer yes to her demands, she won't learn anything, but surely that behaviour of hers doesn't make YOU a bad parent. Children form a personality based on parents and family ideas as well as friends' and their own ideas.
I also think the kickboxing denial was only the spark...the fuel must be somewhere else.

Also, sometimes eldest kids are "forgotten" (not gettng enough attention) in favour of the youngest, and since you have many others, she had enough chances to be "forgotten".
I am in no doubt that the things I say have passed your mind before, just wanted to show that you have my support.

Theodore
(only child, presumably spoiled rotten, though this is not the case at all)

[This message has been edited by trident (edited 10-25-2005).]

[QUOTE]Originally posted by trident:
[b]Clif, you are . . . a snake tamer!!

I also think the kickboxing denial was only the spark...the fuel must be somewhere else.

Also, sometimes eldest kids are "forgotten" (not gettng enough attention) in favour of the youngest, and since you have many others, she had enough chances to be "forgotten".
. . .

Theodore
(only child, presumably spoiled rotten, though this is not the case at all)

Theodore, thanks for the support. I think you hit a few nails on the head there. As the eldest, she had her parents complete attention for two years. Then our son was born, which she found exciting (like a pet), but later probably felt usurped. Upon birth of the next girl, she announced "we don't need this baby", and I am sure she resents on some level her gradual removal from the center of her parent's universe. And, I suspect, therein lies some of the fuel you mentioned.

As far as punishment goes, I have thought of making her pay me back monetarily. But she would not be learning anything she doesn't already know. She did hurt me and I do relate to her differently now, but I am not trying to punish her. My feeling is that our relationship may be improving a little so I am taking a wait-and-see attitude.

In the meantime, your support is very much appreciated.

Clif

P.S. My A-50 is gone, I don't know if the General Music S3 Turbo that I won on ebay and paid for is coming. In the meantime, I bought an Ensoniq VFX for $200. The sounds are not at all realistic, but as a controller it does have polyphonic aftertouch, which is a feature I for some reason feel a need to explore.

[This message has been edited by Clif Anderson (edited 10-25-2005).]

We live in a changing difficult world, we do our best as parents,sometimes too much,by giving them everything that they want,maybe at school kids get bullied and they wont (grass) to their parents,and so as revevenge maybe they want to learn karate or kickboxing,so as not to become intimidated,and as a parent we would be the deciding factor as to whether things change or not.talking to them more often helps a lot.

Clif,
thanks for taking the time to read my post. I can't actually do more for suport than simply posting here, so I do the best I can.

Nardoni is pointing out something here, that I also forgot to mention, that the kickboxing thing maybe a possible means for her to "regulate" to some degree the behaviour of others?

Or is the kickboxing a means to get "invited" to some kind of "club" she wants to enter, or get a certain boy's attention? I don't know how old is she, does she have to take care of the younger siblings? Is it the only "physical exercise" thing she will do?
Too many questions, and I feel asking them here won't solve it. Try to sweeten her up with talking about things that interest her and then gradually turn the subject to this and see what will you find out.
good luck.