NEWS ALERT!
Benton, Louisiana 6:00 P.M. February 18, 2005

Legendary entertainer DonM today took time away from a frenetic touring schedule and posted five birdies enroute to shooting a three-under par 68 on the grueling Palmetto Country Club golf course near here.
DonM, despite fighting unseasonably severe weather, with temperatures dipping into the high 60's and wind gusting to near 3 m.p.h., collected close to $16.00 in winnings for his effort. "There were several times during the day when I had to zip up my windbreaker", he said after the round.
In addition, recent showers had restricted the use of golf carts to cart-paths only on at least three holes, requiring actual walks of up to 25 yards, even while carrying as many as three golf clubs. "I'm exhausted, yes, but I'm sure my team-mates appreciate what I've been through for their benefit", DonM graciously explained.
When asked about rumored plans to give up the entertainment business to pursue golf on a full-time basis, DonM modestly replied, "I owe it my vast legion of fans in both music and golf to continue my pursuit of excellence in both endeavors".
In reply to a question from one of his vanquished foes as to what he attributed his success, DonM said, "After figuring out the operating system on a Ketron SD1, then the golf swing suddenly became elementary by comparison".
Fellow competitors acknowledged the Herculeon accomplishment with a post-round toast. "We'll drink to anything", one was quoted as saying, "may as well be what's-his-name".