I don't know how badly your wife doesn't want you to play, and of course that could be a MAJOR factor ... Other than that, I would say that if you can't be 'self-motivated' you're not ready to do it ... While many here (and on the General Arranger forum) would gladly help with 'music' advice, you shouldn't need assistance from others for the motivation ...
Twenty - one years ago we moved from NY to Rhode Island, and I had to leave a band I had been with for 26 years (we started in high school) ... Not having that 'security blanket', I didn't play 'out' for about 7 years ... but I would sit down at home on a Fri/Sat and play for hours on end ... finally, my wife said "you enjoyed it so much, and obviously miss it so much, why don't you try to get a gig somewhere?" .. that was all the encouragement I needed ... I had business cards made, went around to some of the nicer restaurants in the area and started working again ...

I would also say don't worry about 'sets' ... you probably don't want to be so regimented anyway, but rather, go with the flow of the crowd ... Just have a ready list of songs of all types that you play and can easily refer to ... after a while you probably won't even need that ...
Good luck, and keeo us posted...
t.