Diki, I smile when I read your post. You are so right in many areas.
I wanted to play guitar like Johnny Smith, he was a jazz guitar player. In my second year of studying guitar, I put away all of his books. The I sat and listened to him play. Bought every record album. Years later I found myself voicing chords in the same way. My jazz lines were his Jazz lines. I had become a mixture of Johnny Smith and John C.

Listen and keep listening to the music you love. Then try to create what you have in you. Do not get so involved in technical thinking that it hurts your playing. I taught my guitar students all the scale modes, then I asked them never to refer to them by name --- or place them in a song. Just play you.
Only my pinion -- I wish you the best in health and joy in the coming year, John C.