Steve, after recording thousands of radio commercials over the years, there are some techniques that could improve your spot.

I agree that the mix could use some tweaking with the volumes as previously noted. One of the biggest issues is your voice over. Needs to sound more present and full (maybe a professional voice talent or local radio guy). You could improve your voice with a condenser mic and some compression, if that’s a dynamic mic your using. You need to climb up on the mic (using a wind screen to avoid popping) to get rid of room ambience. Maybe put a blanket around the area your recording the V/O. Then compression on the whole mix to add more fullness and punch. Just a few ideas from an old studio fart.
JM