thanks for all the help and I'm glad you mentioned the crossover cable, it just so happens I have one from when I was hooking up two computers directly, without a router.
But that little bit of info probably saved me a weeks worth of searching and messing around to see why it wouldn't work with a regular cable.
thanks to all of you for your help I think I'm gonna try it.
But now of course the laptop that I wanted is sold out even on the website.
I got time, I'll wait.