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#444344 - 01/09/18 09:35 PM Can I steal your jokes?
Mark79100 Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 10/23/06
Posts: 1286
Loc: USA
Recently Tony posted: Mary had a little lamb, and.......boy, was the doctor surprised. I added that to my collection of jokes and humor. It also started me thinking about song lyrics and parodies.

I've been collecting things like this for years now that I file in my Book of Humor that I use in patter to spice up my performance between songs.

Examples from my notes:

They tried to sell us Egg-Foo-Yung (song: Too Young)

Some Enchanted may eat lasagna..don't get any on'ya...or you may get a stain

Let Me Call You Sweetheart ...originally called Streetsmart, then Sweatheart, and I eventually changed the name to what you hear today: Let Me Call You Sweetheart

I'm Gonna Sit Right Down And Knit Myself A Sweater........(Write Myself A Letter)

There are a lot of you out there. What say the lot of you? Anything humorous (like Tony's Mary/lamb), that we can use in our performances. But, blue jokes. Keep it clean.

#444356 - 01/10/18 02:14 AM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Mark79100]
The Saint Offline

Registered: 10/29/07
Posts: 578
Loc: Sydney Australia
Hi Mark, try "Hello Young Lovers, you're under arrest" For a starter.

Ray dance
Ray The Saint

#444359 - 01/10/18 03:30 AM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Mark79100]
organgrinder Online   content

Registered: 07/05/16
Posts: 163
Loc: ft. lauderdale, florida
Grandma got run over by a steem roller, we slipped her under the door on christmas eve.


#444364 - 01/10/18 04:52 AM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Mark79100]
cgiles Online   content
Senior Member

Registered: 09/29/05
Posts: 5030
Loc: Roswell,GA/USA
For gigs at a nude beach:

'Red tails in the sunset'

"Faith means not wanting to know what is true." [Nietzsche]

#444598 - 01/12/18 12:59 PM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: cgiles]
captain Russ Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/02/04
Posts: 6434
Loc: Lexington, Ky, USA
Sing: "Don't look so sad....I know you're pregnant...", or
Suddenly, I'm not half the man I used to be....there's a husband standing over me..."



#444600 - 01/12/18 01:05 PM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Mark79100]
Jerryghr Online   happy
Senior Member

Registered: 01/14/02
Posts: 1105
Loc: Buffalo, NY
When she says, "What the hell, let's go find a motel".........That's Amore!!

Edited by Jerryghr (01/12/18 01:06 PM)

#444605 - 01/12/18 01:39 PM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Mark79100]
Bill Lewis Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 11/12/08
Posts: 1512
Loc: Bluffton/Hilton Head SC USA
Johnny Cash "I Walk the Line"

I keep a close watch on this heart of mine
I keep my pants up with a piece of twine
I know our love grows stronger all the time
So if your mine, you'll pull the twine
Bill in SC --- Roland BK9 (2) Roland PK5 Pedals, Roland FP90, Crate XP800 PA, JBL Eon Ones (2) , EV mics, Apple iPad (2) Behringer DJ mixer

#444627 - 01/13/18 12:23 AM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Bill Lewis]
Scott Langholff Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 06/09/02
Posts: 3016
Loc: Pensacola, Florida, USA
My next song will be, "She insulted my apartment, so I knocked her flat."

The younger ones probably won't get that one though. eek2

#444639 - 01/13/18 05:18 AM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Scott Langholff]
Dnj Online   content
Senior Member

Registered: 09/21/00
Posts: 36091
Loc: New Jersey
when your playing a nursing home which many here do these quick witted jokes go right over the head of the senior audiences,...I'd rather spend the time playing another song...when you add up the wasted time of all the so called jokes in an hour show.......

ok Rim Shot now!
Korg Pa1000,LD Maui 28's G2 Mix,JBL EON One,TC Voice Solo FX-150, Shure GLXD-24,EV ND767,
Audio Tecnica AT2035, Mixcraft Pro8 DAW, Alan & Heath ZED 6FX, Chauvet Mini Kinta lights..

“Be so good they can't ignore you”

#444642 - 01/13/18 05:50 AM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Dnj]
tony mads usa Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 01/16/02
Posts: 11977
Loc: East Greenwich RI USA
Of course you have to know your audience ... but some of these might work in some of the smaller assisted/independent living places I play where it is a more casual setting which results in more conversation between me and the audience ...
t. cool

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