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#444647 - 01/13/18 08:04 AM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Mark79100]
Tonewheeldude Offline
Moderator

Registered: 01/21/10
Posts: 1501
Its not song related however....

I once bought a vintage Rolls Royce but did not realise until later it did not come with a driver....

...spent all that money and nothing to chauffeur it.

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#444658 - 01/13/18 09:48 AM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Mark79100]
124 Online   content
Senior Member

Registered: 01/01/09
Posts: 1817
I bought a Rolls-Canardly.

That's the model that 'rolls' down the hills, but 'canardly' get up the other side.

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#444683 - 01/13/18 01:58 PM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: 124]
Torch Offline
Member

Registered: 12/17/12
Posts: 425
How about every single church out there with an insurance against "Acts of God?"

One full hour of constant music can be tiring not only for the performer but more so for the audience. I think good, tasteful jokes give breathing room between songs.

Of course, jokes don't translate very well into another language/culture. For instance, how can you translate into another language, "Why can't a bicycle stand alone on its own?" "It is two(too) tired." However, when dealing with an audience of the same language, good humor can be very effective as I've seen other musicians.
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"You Shall Know the Truth, and the Truth will set you free."
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#444697 - 01/13/18 10:36 PM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Mark79100]
Nigel Offline
Admin

Registered: 06/01/98
Posts: 5953
Loc: Ventura CA USA
I read about the evils of drinking so I gave up reading

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#444698 - 01/13/18 10:41 PM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Mark79100]
Nigel Offline
Admin

Registered: 06/01/98
Posts: 5953
Loc: Ventura CA USA
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, "Here's your husband!" The man's wife says, "Where's his wheelchair?

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#444733 - 01/14/18 01:10 PM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Mark79100]
MacAllcock Offline
Senior Member

Registered: 03/02/02
Posts: 1086
Loc: Preston, Lancashire, England
Second verse to 'Are you lonesome tonight'

Are you lonesome tonight?
Is your brasserie too tight?
Is your corset all falling apart?

Does the size of your chest
Make holes in your vest?
Is your spare tyre right up to your heart?

Are your stockings all laddered
And your tights wearing thin?
Doo you keep up your knickers
With a big safety pin?

Are your dentures all worn?
Do they rock when you yawn?
Then you know
Why you're lonesome tonight!


Edited by MacAllcock (01/14/18 01:11 PM)
_________________________
John Allcock

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#444734 - 01/14/18 01:35 PM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: Nigel]
rphillipchuk Offline
Member

Registered: 12/08/02
Posts: 496
Loc: Ontario Canada
Originally Posted By Nigel
A man is at the bar, drunk. I pick him up off the floor, and offer to take him home. On the way to my car, he falls down three times. When I get to his house, I help him out of the car, and on the way to the front door, he falls down four more times. I ring the bell and say, "Here's your husband!" The man's wife says, "Where's his wheelchair?


This got a chuckle out of me !!!!!
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#444746 - 01/14/18 03:09 PM Re: Can I steal your jokes? [Re: MacAllcock]
124 Online   content
Senior Member

Registered: 01/01/09
Posts: 1817
Originally Posted By MacAllcock
Second verse to 'Are you lonesome tonight'

Are you lonesome tonight?
Is your brasserie too tight?
Is your corset all falling apart?

Does the size of your chest
Make holes in your vest?
Is your spare tyre right up to your heart?

Are your stockings all laddered
And your tights wearing thin?
Doo you keep up your knickers
With a big safety pin?

Are your dentures all worn?
Do they rock when you yawn?
Then you know
Why you're lonesome tonight!

LOL! Hadn't heard that one in many years, John. A definite keeper. smile

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