The other thing I haven't figured out is why I am still here?

Hey Paul:

I am relatively new and don't come to the Bar that often but I do frequent the General arranger forum. I am retired now and because I am no longer focused on the "rat race" I can take the time to indulge in what interests me not what will get me to the next step on the corporate ladder. I am a self taught guitar player, piano player, singer and until I joined Synthzone new nothing about sequencers,synths,arrangers etc. I have learned a lot from folks there. I do not consider myself a musician but an entertainer. Retirees and hospital patients enjoy what I do for them when I play out. I think I get more back from them than they get from me. I encourage you to look more outward than inward. You have a lot to offer others I am sure. I believe that we are only limited by our inward self talk. If it is negative the result will be as well. While I do not know you personally, I can see that you are struggling with a few things as we all are on a daily basis. I encourage you to keep the dialogue open. I always say if you can get one get idea that helps you or someone else then its a good day. Part of the neat thing about living is finding out exactly why we ARE here!
Cheers!
Brian

Yes I do think it would help. You can't have it both ways. I doubt if you are even like John Cage. An arranger keyboard will provide instant gratification without practice which is what you are avoiding. But that instant gratification just may encourage you to play more which would solve the problem. That is not to say that playing an arranger keyboard doesn't require talent. It does. But you can still create music at any level which is a great thing to get you started.

Thank You Brian and Welcome!

I have seen the prices for arrangers and they out of my price range. I don't want to spend $1,000.00 of dollars.

Actually your not that far from the truth, Brian. It is a inner thing, the problem is I can't seem to get rid of it. You should have seen me when I first joined this board back in 2003, I was a compete mess. Always talking and never doing. Always saying I wanted this particular keyboard, but was always told to be careful. I have always had people give me advice, but never wanted to listen. I have gone through my share of keyboards but never really utilized them. I still have an old ARP Omin, I have owned and ARP AXXE, Kawai K5000s, and Ensoniq Mirage, two Casio Home keyboards, Roland JX-305, a Roland Juno (latter version). and a Yamaha DX7IIFD, and three Korg Poly-61's an AKIA AX-60 and a Juno-106.

I even had a list of keyboards and synths that I have wanted to own.

Minimoog

Korg Karma

Korg Triton Le

Korg Wavestation

Roland XP-80

Yamaha SY-99

JP-8000

MS-2000

Juno-6

Prophet 5 and 600

Alesis ION

Synthesizers.com Modular synth.

Although I was discouraged from pursuing them.

The other thing I noticed is that when I would talk to sales reps, most would steer me towards Yamaha.

First was the SY-22, and SY-77, and not too long ago, a Guitar Center rep. suggested I buy a Motif. Unfortunately, I never had the money. Although, I remember when vintage synths were making a comeback, and my father and I went to a music store in Baltimore MD, and was looking at Vintage synths, from Polysix, and a Juno-6 and a sales rep suggested an AKAI AX-60. Never bought it, but did own one years latter, but sold it.

Even as recently, I have been talking about newer keyboards, such as the new Casio-XWP1 and the new redesigned MS-20. My only concern is that I will buy another one and never use it. I would play with it for a while and the loose interest. Which has happened more then once.

Which is why I still have an OMNI, and a Farfisa organ and a KS61, which are not getting any use. I bought the KS61 because I thought I was going to get into software synths, but that never happened.

So after while I just gave up, and have not done anything since.

There are some things that I still have a hard time letting go of, and accepting! I really try but I just can not let it go! I try not too focus inward, but I just can't help it!

Nigel, Brian, and Russ, I have been contemplating what you three have been offering me. That I should buy an arranger keyboard, but the truth is, I know I am never going to play it. I'll buy one, play with it for awhile, get frustrated, or loose interest push it aside, and let it collect dust. I am tired of spending money on something I know I will never use. I have spent money on too many synths and keyboards, to realize it's not worth it. I have no talent, and I know I am never going to sit down to learn, because I am just no good. I get too frustrated and it's just not worth it. I am giving up completely. No, more keyboards, no more Keyboard magazine, and I won't be coming back here. Sorry, but this is they way it has to be. Nothing is going to change my mind. I'm sorry!

Peace Out,

Paul

As Henry Ford once stated, "whether you think you can or think you can't, you're always right."

Wow Scott. That is very profound. I think I was angry or frustrated when i first wrote this thread.

Now that I think about it, I am regretting starting this thread in the first place. I wish I could delete this whole topic.