Squeak,
Well you have kept that voice hidden away for a looooong time!! Who knew you could sing like that!!

I think you have an excellent voice and you should record (and post) much more stuff.

I liked the lyric of your song very much (very dark and thought provoking in places) but do agree with others who have already posted that the repetitive melody and structure detracts greatly from the wonderful vocal and lyrical qualities.

Almost as if the first two lines of a verse are repeated over and over. Maybe a suggestion would be to follow this structure for say the first 8 bars and then break out into a different structure whilst returning to use the original 8 bars as a recurring theme throughout the song? (Just a suggestion....no offence meant at all.)

Unlike others I really liked the harmony. I thought it gave the song some texture and I would build on that.
KEEP IT UP!!!!
best wishes
Tony

[This message has been edited by Tony W (edited 12-18-2005).]